Is one of these the worst-drawn issue in Legion history? We look at Legion #114 - 116 and Legionnaires #71 - 73

Just a quick retraction before we start this week's article. I said last week that we were now seeing sales worse than anything the Legion had seen before or would see after. That was somewhat hyperbolic and, in fact, the Legion will see worse sales in the future.

Man, every time I look into Legion sales figures I get a little more depressed. If only they could've taken the huge sales boost they got from being a back-up in Action Comics and kept a least half that readership with their own book... Or if maybe DC actually hired someone who could bring readers to a book...

Instead, let's go back to the dog days of the PZH Legion. Once more, into the detritus...

LSH #114 

LSH #115 

Can anyone explain why you would keep with the numbering on the cover when these books no longer tie into each other? Does anyone think about these things at all, or is this yet another attempt to improve sales by not having interconnected titles? Which, of course, would make no sense, but what do I know?

It's the two-part Bizarro Legion story. To bring everyone up to speed, Brainiac 5.1 brought the Bizarro technology to the 30th Century, started experimenting, and turned the Outpost and the Legionnaires onboard into Bizarro versions of the ship and the heroes.

Invisible Kid, Lightning Lad, Ferro, and Karate Kid return from a mission to discover the chaos and try to figure out what's going on.

Now for my Bizarro review:

• What an amazingly well-written comic. Nothing about this feels derivative at all and me love the creativity.
• What an amazingly well-drawn comic. The pictures are beautiful and artist Scott Kolins makes every character look stunning. His facial expressions, however, are pretty lackluster.
• Me always love when Koko saves the day. There's nothing better than watching a monkey solve problems quicker than Invisible Kid, who's cursed with being a super spy and an incredibly smart scientist.
• Having Live Wire act like a complete jerk in almost every scene was another brilliant choice. Why show any character development, or create a character that readers would care about, when you can just make him lash out at his teammates for absolutely no reason?
• Me also loved that we finally got to see a well-written Kinetix here. After months of her written as if she has taken every downer in the galaxy, and knowing that the writers hate using her, seeing her reduced to such a joke was the perfect way to make her relevant again.
• And is there any better surprise ending than having the Bizarro Legionnaires attack R.J. Brande? This has never been done before and the creative team has never forced Brande into a story for absolutely no reason. So refreshing!
• Speaking of R.J. Brande, Me am so happy they placed him, naked, in a mudbath.
• In fact, me am so happy we're moving to the second issue of this story that me am celebrating getting to read 44 pages of this Watchmen-level comic.
• For those of you who were amazed that Invisible Kid used to be the only character who could speak Durlan, you can be even more impressed that he can speak with Koko. The monkey. Me loved those old Lassie episodes as much as everyone else, so when this happened, me was smiling from ear-to-ear:

Lyle: If I don't figure out a way to reverse the process within 24 hours, they'll be Bizarros forever!

Koko: Okok! Okok! Okok! Okok!

Lyle: What? Separate the D.N.A. strands? But how do we--

• Me have no words for how brilliant that was. Not as brilliant as Koko, who figures out how to cure them, but brilliant enough. Me love that Bizarro-Koko is smarter than the person who has been established to be the second smartest Legionnaires. Awesome for monkeys!
• Lyle sends a light blast through everyone's Mini-Omnicoms in their belts and suddenly we have the regular Legionnaires beside the Bizarro Legionnaires. So it's a battle against each other. Me love when nothing they write makes any sense and they just keep throwing spaghetti at the wall in their stories.
• Another thing me love in these stories is when the writers just ignore what's going on in the story and magically transport characters from one place to another. After all, when Bizarro Brainy blows up (or does he, because Brainiac 5.1 wonders if they got away), they just leave Mars and ignore that there may be Bizarros running around and head right back to the Outpost with no explanation how or why.
• Even better, me reached the point where me am convinced they're missing some pages. Me love when the story makes so little sense that me wonder if me got a defective copy... nope... it's just this perfectly confusing...
• These two issues were so good, me wishes it would just keep going and going and going so me can enjoy more insanely stupid ideas and scenes... cause that's what me love the best about the Legion.

One Brainiac 5.1 point here - at what point does the constant damage and destruction that he causes outweigh any possible good? I mean, how many labs can he blow up, how many times can he risk the lives of his teammates, before the Legion figures that having Lyle handle the science is better? I guess it would be okay if they actually showed Brainy deliver something really, genuinely useful...

LSH #116 

I'm gonna stick with the Legion since Legionnaires has a three-part story. Or just to get this over with.

We continue getting Thunder, and her long-running subplot of collecting pieces of her planet to bring them together and make it whole again (which makes so little sense that it's insane) shoved down our throats so I guess it's not a surprise that we get more of this nonsense.

Before I start this review, I want to personally apologize to any artist I've criticized during my time writing these rereads on reddit. Let's take a look at this first page and talk about just how horrible it is. Keron Grant is the guest artist and wow... this is shockingly bad! Like, I honestly can't think of a book that looks worse. Ever. I honestly can't think of a worse looking comic book. I'm sure there's one out there. But I even want to apologize to Rob Liefeld...

Let's talk about this first page. First, anatomy:

• Thunder's torso cannot be connected to her legs
• Speaking of her legs, I'm fairly certain she's been skipping leg day for a while
• Green guy in the background doesn't actually have legs, just stumps
• Green guy in the foreground has legs, and a bum, that aren't actually connected to his waist... it's like that belt is holding onto two separate things

Second, the roll call:

• Thunder looks cross-eyed and drunk
• Brainiac 5.1 now has a receding hairline
• Did someone tell the artist to draw up most of their noses?
• Did the artist not know that Spark and Live Wire are twins and should have at least one similar feature?
• Did Invisible Kid lose his skull?

This is a bad book from start to finish and the art makes it painful to read. Quick recap - some bad guy from Rimbor wants all of the rock Thunder's trying to find. He captures her and Sensor and takes them back to his base. She escapes by saying her magic words "Captain Marvel" and ends up back home in the future. But she knows she has to save Sensor and get back. Sensor, meanwhile, is going to be vivisected by scientists there. Oh, and the Legion come to help but don't do much. And this garbage is continued next issue... time to pray Grant's not back...

 Legionnaires #71

 Legionnaires #72 

 Legionnaires #73

With all that excitement in space, let's head to Earth (and other places) for more chaos.

We start in Japan, where Cosmic Boy isn't really having the best of reunions with his family. He's obsessed with figuring out where his former manager, Alux Cuspin, is. Last issue, he tried to get revenge by hiring Domain, a contract killer, to take out the Legionnaire. We know he's working as a dishwasher in Rio, but Rokk doesn't.

On that note, I guess Star Trek has kinda ruined me for my view of the future, but I really have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that people would be employed as dishwashers in the 30th Century. I mean, don't they have robots for that? Or self-cleaning utensils? Or hologram plates that disappear after you've finished eating? I know that I've harped on this before but this book just doesn't feel like it's in the future. Fantastic Four comics have more impressive tech. And the writers don't seem to have spent even one moment thinking about what the future would look like. Just bigger machines and aliens. That's it.

We then get introduced to four characters who are going to become important once Dragonmage screws up. We meet different aliens (and a Sun Boy), who have different elemental connections (fire, water, earth, air) and are struggling with their current lives.

We also go to Dryad, which, I gotta be honest, just fills me with dread. Blok was always one of my favorites and I really don't want to see either creative team wreck him this close to their cancellation.

So, surprise surprise, Dragonmage, in a quest for power (he's taken the Kinetix role), blasts these rocks that contain mystical, elemental energy. Four bolts take off through the cosmos, looking for hosts of their power. They fly off searching for the four beings we met earlier for absolutely no reason. They don't even try to connect them, or show why the elemental magic would want them. It's so completely random that if you think about it for even a moment, everything falls apart... which is a great way to describe most Legion stories these days.

We wrap up the Cuspin subplot in four pages as Chameleon arrests him and hands him over the Shvaughn Erin.

Then all technology stops working as the magic hits Earth.. and Dryad... and Gil'dan... and four beings are possessed with the power. Poor Dirk Morgna - I swear all he does in the PZH Legion is stand around and then get blasted. Could he actually accomplish anything for himself?

We get another Cosmic Boy saves the day moment (they're really going overboard on this) and then Lady Mysa shows up at Legion HQ to explain what Dragonmage did and to ask for help.

Everything keeps escalating and Dirk's sun powers are going out of control in Japan - and only Cosmic Boy, Umbra, and Kid Quantum are there to help.

To the second part we go and, because we have pages to waste, we spend the first issue recapping Dirk Morgna's life... why?? By 1999, the only people reading this book are longtime fans. They really don't need to keep writing these books like it's 1982 Marvel.

Oh, and to make things slightly cringey, they name the fire elemental that's possessed Dirk: Phy'r. Ugh...

Element Lad and Monstress have joined the fight as the five Legionnaires try to stop Dirk from destroying more of Tokyo. Saturn Girl, Gates, and Lady Mysa arrive as well and the magician realizes that teamwork will solve the problem.

Wow - so glad that a team of super-heroes, literally built on teamwork, got that suggestion. Why is Mysa here?

To planet Swizzar we go, where a butterfly-looking being named Flutter is possessed by the wind elemental named A'rie. I swear they're not even trying with these names.

On Dryad, Brika is possessed by RRox, the earth elemental. And she starts attacking the colonizers who want to take over her world. So she's good, right?

And on Gil'dan, Ebb is taken over by the unnamed water elemental (did the random bad name generator not work here or did no one notice?).

All three start killing everyone around them, suck all the air and water off their planets or, in Rrox's case, they destroy the entire planet of Dryad. I knew this wasn't going to be good.

Back to Earth, where Dirk's powers are getting stronger and stronger and he ends up sucking lava up from the core. He, like the other three, blasts off into space and heads somewhere.

Everywhere the four fly by, they steal the energy of the planet and wreak havoc, whether it's Colu or Takron-Galtos.

And where are they headed? The planet where Mordru was defeated and imprisoned. This isn't good, is it?

To the third part of this kinda well done and actually interesting story... such a dramatic shift from the other book.

We start off with the elementals arriving at the planet and killing random guards. Oh, and they didn't even bother giving Ebb an elemental name. So sad for him.

The Legionnaires are rushing after them, trying to get there in their ship as quickly as possible. If I was a jerk, I'd mention how traveling through space is slow when they need it to be and fast when they don't want to think about it, but I'll let that go.

We get a nice little subplot as Star Boy realizes that his gravity-controlling powers are working again. He's also laying into Dragonmage, which is well-deserved. By the way, would Dragonmage be punished by the U.P. for causing all this death and destruction? I mean, it could be argued that it's akin to manslaughter, right? He's directly responsible for the deaths of three planets.

As the elementals wait for Rrox, the Legion has called in the rest of the troops who aren't Bizarro versions of themselves so Ultra Boy, Apparition, and Chameleon are heading to the planet too.

Gates and Monstress lead the attack, hitting A'rie before Mysa can encase her in the same crystal prison Mordru is in. Then they take out Ebb as well. Saturn Girl tries to get through to Dirk mentally, and it looks like he's getting back into control, when Rrox shows up and sends the Legion for a loop.

So they didn't see her coming? A big mountain flying through space?

They start attacking Rrox, who breaks Ultra Boy's arm because he, once again, doesn't know how to use his powers at all. I mean, they're not even trying to make him competent, are they? Element Lad converts the stargate around Rrox's waist (don't ask) into a bomb and blows her up.

I guess the Legion is no longer against killing, are they?

The battles continue and Mordru starts stirring. Dragonmage and Star Boy show up through what I'm guessing is a mystic portal and join the fight.

Star Boy and Mysa work together as he anchors himself to the ground and she starts separating the elemental from the being possessed. I have absolutely no idea why she needed Star Boy for this, but the writers stopped caring about anything making sense a long, long time ago, so why should I? In the "what a dumb subplot" category, this whole moment was referenced by Dreamer, who claimed that Star Boy would save his team. But all he did was stand there. Once again, is no one actually paying attention to anything?

The beings start remembering who they were before the elementals and Brika isn't dead, but horribly sad and tormented at the fact that she destroyed her entire planet. So that's better...?? It's enough for her to join with the Legion and fight the other beings, who don't want to give up their powers.

Dragonmage swears that he'll stop them and he starts a spell to capture them all in a big bubble. Mysa helps, which makes sense. Kid Quantum and Star Boy help too, which makes no sense.

The bubble collapses upon itself, trapping the elementals inside... and Dragonmage... so I guess he's dead. Or trapped. Or just gone. But Mordru's still asleep, so that's good.

No, he's still alive, but badly hurt. As are the host bodies of the four possessed by the elementals. Find out next issue who lives and who dies... of course, do we really care about any of them? I mean, honestly?

The scary thing is that as much as part of this story made no sense and things were jumping around, this Legionnaires tale was so much better than anything in the Legion book that it's unfair I'm doing these reviews together. It almost feels like I'm getting whiplash by the drastic change in quality.

Also, I'm probably overly positive about the Legionnaires because it's a competent, adequately done comic. It's not great. There have been far, far better stories by this creative team. But it's not the crap the other book is publishing right now.

Our next Legionnaire in the spotlight... Lar Gand / Mon-El / Valor / M'Onel!!!

This is a tough one to write, not because I don't like this character (which I do), but because I don't want this to sound like an old man yelling at clouds about how the good old days were so much better than anything else.

Mon-El could've been the most boring, redundant super-hero in the Legion. He was certainly set up that way. An almost clone of Superboy, with the exact same powers and a costume that is fairly monotonous, Lar Gand could've been a character ignored by most because, let's be honest, everything he brought to the table had already been seen and done before. And this is even truer with both Superboy and Supergirl on the team. When you give a character the name Bob Cobb, you know you're not even trying to make them interesting.

Instead, the writers leaned into four things that really established him as a character:

• Lead poisoning
• Relationship with Tasmia / friendships with Tinya and Jo
• Fear of the Phantom Zone / the torment of 1,000 years of solitude
• Love for exploration

Now we had fertile ground to cover and ways to weaken/strengthen Mon-El that made him very, very different from the other Els. Some of the best Legion stories revolve around these four ideas and turned Mon-El into one of the most popular characters in the Legion.

So, of course, every time there was a reboot or rethinking of the character, they pretty much tossed everything out except for him being an explorer. Lead was never a problem, Tasmia just wanted to date him but they never got further than that, and he had no other friends.

Also, it seems like every time he shows up in DC continuity, it's just as a Superman fill in and not really his own person. Heck, he even adopted a costume that was similar to Superman's. Why can't they try to make him even slightly different?

Such a waste.

It's funny that I actually consider the Tasmia/Lar relationship more important than almost any other and one that should be a keystone for the series. It allowed the writers to grow and develop both characters in such an epic way that they just feel 'right' when they're together, if that makes any sense.

The other thing that always amazes me is that Mon-El (sorry, Valor) has the longest lasting solo series of any Legionnaire. The competition isn't that strong, and the book didn't even last two years, but it's still better than Karate Kid's series... which, admittedly, isn't saying that much, is it?

What do you think of Mon-El?

On a housekeeping note, next week's column is probably going to arrive a day earlier than usual so I can enjoy a weekend trip. Fingers crossed I get through the next set of 6 comics without putting my head through a wall.