One of these issues could be the worst Legion story of the year... but which one? We look at Legion #111 - 113 and Legionnaires #68 - 70

Welcome back to the slow crawl towards cancellation, as both the Legion of Super-Heroes and Legionnaires is slumping to the worst sales they've ever seen (and will ever see) and nothing they can do will get these readers back.

Re-reading these, I'm just getting repeated flashbacks to the time before Zero Hour when no one knew what to do with the 5YL Legion and they were just spinning their wheels until something happened. It's actually kinda insane to me that DC allowed this once-hallowed franchise, which sold better than Batman and Superman, to drop to such horrific levels.

Even worse, they don't care to save them.

On this happy note, let's get into this week's books:

 LSH #111

I didn't mention last week that we're now into 1999. Wow, time is flying fast. Just think, everyone reading these was starting to worry about Y2K... I should also mention that this is the last year of these books and it's gonna be a rough 12 issues... We now have, in the span on one series that lasts 125 issues, two incredible low points that many people consider some of the worst Legion comics of all time. (Yes, yes, I know Bendis is considered worse, but, as I'm reading these, I'm wondering if there was ever a worse Legion plotter than Tom McCraw...)

I know this is the worst thing to say, but I've reached the point where I'm going to start going over these issues much quicker than before because, to be honest, they're just not good. And I don't want to spend a lot of brain power discussing them.

We've again reverted to Live Wire being a jerk to everyone. It's a shame that we're just going backwards with our character development.

This issue exists to show that Karate Kid is the single most powerful member of the Legion. In one of the most cliched plots ever, M'onel and Thunder are possessed by racist ghosts who want to kill everyone on the planet they used to live on. They attack the people and the Legion and Karate Kid stands alone against M'onel.

Invisible Kid, being the second most powerful Legionnaire, flips a switch on Thunder's trans suit and immediately knocks her out. Honestly. That's it.

So M'onel, who has the power of Superman, including super speed, is defeated by a regular human being who's trained in martial arts. Because... nope, they don't even try to explain it away, like the ghost is still getting used to the powers and doesn't know what he's doing, or M'onel's fighting the possession so he's moving slower. Karate Kid is just better and faster.

This is Scott Kolins' second Legion issue and it's not good. I know this is a tough book to draw, and I know he's capable of doing much better, so I'm not going to criticize too much here. But he's struggling right now.

Legionnaires #68

Ah, cool, we get another Chris Sprouse cover. Sprouse here, Alan Davis on Legion... sadly, these covers are about the only good things on these books.

You also know we're in rough shape when, in the roll call on the front page, they have a spelling mistake: "Kid Quatum".

We get one of the main subplots out of the way early - Star Boy is grounded indefinitely by Dr. Gym'll since he can't control his powers. Glad they're finally getting close to the end of this one... at least I hope it's the end. So he's stuck on monitor duty with Dreamer. One could argue that's not really a punishment, but I'm guessing he doesn't see it that way.

For some strange reason, although that describes most of the plots revolving around Element Lad, he's decided to change Monstress' skin color as the issue moves forward. He's nowhere near her, can't see her, and doesn't really have any great motivation to do it, but I think the creative team wanted her to look less like She-Hulk so they wanted to have some reason to turn her orange. It's just a silly little throw in that makes no sense, but is neither good nor bad. Like a lot of this book, it's just there.

The main story is Cosmic Boy going to help out at the Time and History Museum, providing his knowledge of the 20th Century to help with an exhibit on robots of the past. I'm really glad to see them exploring this aspect of his personality and actually letting him be a person instead of a perfect hero and leader. He has a good laugh at their warped image of the Metal Men before getting to work.

Then, because we want to make this book as generic as possible, a time-traveling villain from the year 12,000 named Xotar the Conqueror shows up and takes control of all the robots, wreaking havoc. Readers previously saw him in Action Comics and JLA: Year One, probably hoped to never see him again because everything about him is just lame, and now we get him in the Legion... because that's what they do with failed Superman villains.

To no surprise to anyone, the Legion defeats the robots, Gates knocks out Xotar, and everything returns to normal... I guess. Once again, someone from the future uses tech that looks like something you'd see today and we all scratch our heads at the silliness of the book. In case you didn't see the ending coming, Xotar goes back to his own time to evade imprisonment so nothing is actually accomplished.

Finally, we get the "shocking" ending of Lori trying to get her dial back from Brainiac 5.1's lab. Hopefully this gets wrapped up too and we send her back to the 20th Century.

I will say that this book is at least an entire level above LSH for two reasons. One, regardless of Jeff Moy's anatomy problems, his work is far more energetic and futuristic than any regular artist we've seen in a while. And two, Roger Stern and Carmelo Merlo are much, much better at writing the interpersonal scenes between characters. Monstress, Kid Quantum, Star Boy, and even Cosmic Boy are far better written than anyone in the other book.

LSH #112 

To distract myself from this horrible story, I started pondering over Alan Davis' job providing the covers. I believe that cover artists get the script, read through it, figure out what section would make for the best cover, confirm with the editor, and then draw it. So do you think he read these, thinking to himself, "Geez, these are horrible..."

What's worse for him, of course, is that he's a better writer than either of the Toms currently working on this book.

Which leads me to wonder why they didn't ask him to write the Legion at this time... or now...

To recap, Triad and Ferro are piloting an old, derelict spaceship with three prisoners to Takron-Galtos. Purple Triad, because she's impulsive, flies the ship through a cloud of metal-eating alien bugs. They start eating through the ship, of course, which means Ferro can't turn into metal because they'd eat him. They release the prisoners, three boring villains called Howl, Gronk, and Murdermaton, and try to figure out how to survive this latest screw up by Triad. Two of the villains die, Ferro almost gets eaten, he discovers that Triad thinks he's stupid, so he states that they can't be friends anymore.

The art was bad (is it so hard to draw Triad the same in the same panel?), the story was worse, and man, you can just feel the readers sprinting off this book. Nothing here makes any sense, from why Legionnaires are acting as prison guards, or why they're on a crappy ship, to why, suddenly, Triad is Ferro's best friend, to how Triad thinks so badly of Ferro, especially after calling him her best friend at the beginning of the book... This is just horrid from start to finish.

What I cannot understand, for the life of me, is how this story gets past any editor with even a shred of pride in the books they're working on.

 Legionnaires #69

Now for the good comic...

We go to Lunabase, home of Leland McCauley, where the Khunds have decided to get their revenge on Amilia Crugg, the former Khund armorer who left the empire to work for McCauley... or be in a relationship with him... or something. Not clear on what's happening between those two, but at least it makes him more interesting.

Of course, at the same time as the attack, Ultra Boy and Apparition are enjoying a much-delayed honeymoon by flying their little cruiser to the Moon, parking, and making out. Wow, that might be the least romantic honeymoon I've ever heard of. Who said Jo doesn't know romance?

Also, Lori Morning has been caught by Saturn Girl and Monstress as she steals back her dial from Brainiac 5.1's lab so she can have her powers back. We get a couple of pages of exposition so new readers (like those exist at this point) will understand why she's from the past and can turn into different super-heroes.

Once the attack occurs, everyone rushes off to help. Jo and Tinya start fighting Khunds. Lori turns into a hero named "Plasma" and flies off to the Moon. Saturn Girl and Monstress rush off in a Legion cruiser. And all chaos reigns supreme.

The battle is quick, the Khunds are defeated, and McCauley offers Lori a job on the Workforce. Which she accepts. And since she had no legal guardian, and no one who can make any decisions for her, she's able to join and, I'm guessing, become McCauley's adopted daughter?? No clue where they're going with this but, if it gets her off the team, I'm all for it.

Also, in the "pay attention or you'll miss it" category, we get the first PZH appearance of Catspaw, who's also a new member of the Workforce. Let's hope they don't waste here as they have so many other characters.

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, there is a skill to writing comics that make sense, follow a logical order of events, and entertain at the most basic level. And Roger Stern has that skill. The story flows and reaches a logical conclusion. I like how most of the characters are handled. The art is, once again, solid and energetic. And losing Lori from the team is the cherry on the sundae.

If I have one complaint, it's this: why spend all this time re-explaining Lori's origin and past to just ship her off to the Workforce? It makes absolutely no sense to provide all this background info for a character you're essentially putting back in the toy box to ignore for a while. But logic hasn't really been part of this book for a while, has it?

 LSH #113

Wow! We finally get a new invention that actually feels like science fiction. The team heads to Phlogista, the sun planet, which is always on fire, to try to figure out if there is any life there to prevent McCauley from drilling.

Would it be so hard to create another villain so McCauley isn't overused?

Anyway, instead of actually going to the planet, they use the virtual reality machine to "transmit" their images to the planet, shrink down just like Violet does, and meet the lifeforms. Brainiac 5.1 invented the whole thing and it's quite an interesting new invention for the team. I'm shocked and completely expecting the writing team to waste it.

We get more reversals of character development, as Brainy is back to being distrusting and rude, Live Wire is a jerk to his sister, Kinetix doesn't even speak anymore (why are they even bringing her on missions?), and M'onel sulks.

And then we get the latest "subplots I never wanted to see" as Brainy has started a Bizarro experiment...

Oh, and whoever picked the font for the computer exposition deserves a smack to the head. Just horrible...

Spark and Violet use Brainy's new machine to go into Kinetix's head to figure out why she's almost a zombie... yep, already using the machine in a way that makes absolutely no sense, as they view Zoe's memories... to no one's surprise, it's a nice easy resolution, Zoe turns her back on the power that's kept her almost comatose, and she's all back to normal. Well, we wouldn't want that dangling plot line to be resolved in a way that would make any reader happy. But I guess they can't ruin Zoe any worse, can they?

Yes, I'm being sarcastic and I know what's coming...

If I didn't think this book was going to get any worse, when a team of Legionnaires return to the Outpost, there is a flash of light and the Outpost looks like something out of a bad fever dream. Which means it's the Bizarro Legion next issue.

Why? Why do this? Why keep going back to the dregs of the Superman universe? There are dozens of Legion super villains that they could use, that they could create compelling stories about. Instead, let's show that their history isn't important, but Superman's is... on the Legion book.

Legionnaires #70 

I guess this issue wins the award for "wrapping up the longest running story in the Legion," as they focus on Cosmic Boy's old manager, Alux Cuspin. For those of you who don't remember (and why would you?), Cuspin was stealing from Rokk when he was a pro Magnoball player, Imra scanned his brain and figured out what he was doing wrong, and he got arrested and went to jail. Rokk joined the Legion and retired from being a champion at Magnoball.

And this is the second Legionnaires issue this week with a focus on Cosmic Boy... are the writers wanting to use him more or is this a sales edict, figuring that he'll get people to buy the book?

I'm sure I've asked this before, but am I the only one who can't figure out why Magnoball is popular at all? I mean, to be good at it, you need to be Braalian. If you're not, you can wear equipment that gives you magnetic powers. But, basically, it would be as if these days you could play professional baseball but have machines that allow you to throw and hit as well as the major leaguers. This never made sense to me at all.

Once out of jail, Cuspin hires some creature named Domain, who promises to place Rokk somewhere he cannot escape from.

We go to Japan, where the Terran Lodestones, Earth's Magnoball team, are playing the Braalian Meteors in a playoff game. Of course, Rokk's brother Pol is on the Meteors. And, in a surprise guest appearance I didn't see coming, Dirk Morgna is the general manager of the Lodestones.

So do adults actually have jobs in the 30th Century, or do they just hire teenagers to do everything? Is this like Logan's Run?

As the game ends with a Meteors win, Domain suddenly shows up and sends Rokk and a few others into some weird, art-inspired dimension. At the end, he's in an Escher print with his brother, a teenage girl, and a reporter.

It's Cosmic Boy against this weird dimension, trying to save everyone else and get out. To Domain, this is a game, but Rokk and Pol start working together to beat this new villain. Rokk finally pulls a bunch of non-magnetic orbs (they said they were earlier in the comic) into Domain and beats him. Easily. Instead of surrendering, Domain just kills himself and the four return to the real world. Now that's how you waste a new character...

Rokk swears to get back at Cuspin and, in the subplot they're ramping up with Dragonmage, we see he's trying to get more magical power.

As crazy as this sounds, this book was really written like they were heading in a completely different direction - Rokk leaving the Legion to go and have fun again. It was set up that way, and I think they were intending for him to think about it but know that his place is with the Legion, but they didn't get to that point at all. It's just a one-issue basic story, with a villain that I hope shows up again, and there's not much else going on. I really wish they had done something, shown Rokk to question anything, but no. He's just too simple of a character at this point.

But, I gotta give Jeff Moy and W.C. Carani credit - this is a really nice looking comic. The artwork is top notch here. It's a shame that they're doing some of their best work and the writing is isn't matching their quality.

Our next Legionnaire in the spotlight... Ultra Boy!!!

Let me try to explain why I have such a soft spot for Ultra Boy. When I first started reading the Legion, way back in the days before Paul Levitz and Keith Giffen took over, there was a long-running story line that showed the death of Ultra Boy. It lasted for many issues, re-introduced Reflecto, featured some stunning George Perez covers, and I loved every bit of it... even the horrible Steve Ditko-drawn issues.

I know that, nowadays, it's considered a horrible story and many readers call it one of the worst Legion stories ever. But for me, it was everything that got me interested in and excited about the Legion.

And Ultra Boy was awesome. He switched powers. He had great sideburns. His costume was old school but still worked, with a logo that made no sense but stood out. He was the coolest guy on the team. He had the best girlfriend on the team.

As Paul Levitz developed him even more, he became even more nuanced and developed. Many people thought he was a dope, but he had a hidden intelligence that allowed everyone to underestimate him. He was best friends with Mon-El and their competitive nature really pushed both to be better.

Of course, with 5YL, everything he had was ripped away and he became the character every female lusted after. He lost a lot of what made him interesting and, although the writing team kept saying they were writing Jo like he was their version of Han Solo, I never got the sense of it. I tended to think they just kept kicking him when he was down and didn't want to take their collective feet off his neck.

The less said about PZH Ultra Boy, the better...

When you really think of Ultra Boy, with his "stolen from the Bible" origin story, to his "another boring white guy" look, to his "dumb jock" persona, he could've been a complete miss and not had a lot of fans. But the opposite happened - he's one of the most important Legionnaires and is key to most of the best Legion stories. And some of the worst. Or those which could be either (looking at you, Omega). He really is the perfect example of how writers can make the blandest of characters amazing.

Thoughts? Do you agree or disagree? Please share in the comments below!