Ten years of reboot Legion and this is how it ends? Wow... we look at The Legion #38, Teen Titans #16, and Teen Titans/The Legion Special #1

The Legion #38

I usually like Kevin Nowlan's artwork, but this cover... woah... I can't stop staring at Karate Kid and wondering if this drawing is more than a little offensive.

We've reached the end of an era, the end of the second-longest version of the Legion, or "reboot" or whatever you want to call it. Tune in next week for the overly-long and wordy retrospective of the entire ten-year-long saga.

For those of you who've forgotten what happened before, a group of villains named after Justice Leaguers, Devil, Canary, Arrow, and Lantern, have somehow used Dreamer's powers (connected with Canary's) to shut down all technology in a huge part of Metropolis.

They shot the U.P. President, who also happens to be Apparition's mom. 

They caused Brainiac 5 to go crazy (the things on his face were actually mood-altering devices) but, luckily for him, one slap across the face from Umbra restarted his computer and he's fine again. I guess it's true about turning something off and on again.

A flying prison crashed into the water and Karate Kid beat the stuffing out of a bunch of prisoners who wanted to escape.

Most of the Legionnaires are on a different planet trying to stop a rapidly-escalating civil war that could spread out into the rest of the U.P.

And Timber Wolf, recovering from a nasty stabbing, is using his Wolverine-like powers to heal up and get his revenge.

The villain's master plan is to get into Legion World and shut down the threshold when the Legion comes home from the other planet, killing them all.

I don't think I've missed anything, so let's get into it. And don't worry if you think nothing makes sense - it just doesn't, so let's just relax and enjoy the finale.

Written by Gail Simone, with art by Dan Jurgens and Andy Smith, we're hip-deep in chaos, fires, and death and let's see if they can get us out of this.

We begin with a smitten Canary revealing the villains' big plans to a slowly-wakening Dreamer. She reveals that they need her powers because they can use Dreamer's brain as a transmitter. Did I miss something? Is this a thing she can do?

Elsewhere in Metropolis, Umbra stops a mob from beating someone up to steal medicine from children and Brainiac 5 stops her and chides her for her choices. He tells her that they have to ignore looting and street crimes and do her duty. Not sure how protecting people is no longer a Legionnaire's duty, but we are in the middle of a disaster...

Oh, and Devil is following them, so that's can't be good.

Then, in case you thought things were going to make sense, we get our gratuitous shots of Violet as she's almost falling out of her dress while working on fire duty. Somehow Brainy and Umbra are right beside her... how could we miss her?

Trudy Truesoe continues narrating this tale and now she's praising Apparition for taking charge and keeping everything running smoothly. Is this the time to wonder where they got crutches, beds and pillows, and blankets to cover the dead bodies?

On Oasis One, the prison that crashed into the water, the Persuader is carrying his unconscious daughter to safety, talking about how bravely she fought against the mob. He hands her to Karate Kid and quietly goes back to his cell. He's proud of his daughter and wants her to be safe (no idea where this is coming from) and even threatens Val, reminding him that he'd make a horrible father-in-law. I can't help but feel like we missed about 10 pages of story here.

Next, in a moment that finally explains why we've spent so much time focusing on Pinter, the criminal who steals body parts to replace his own, he gets recruited by Ultra Boy to... and please be sitting down while you're reading this... perform surgery on the U.P. President and save her life.

Arrow and Lantern, still suffering from the effects of Infectious Lass' powers, are threatened by Chameleon - either tell him where Devil is or die in an alley from any number of horrible diseases. Here's something I've always wondered - do the people of the 31st Century know that the Legion cannot kill? Is that public knowledge? If so, how could any Legionnaire make such a threat and have it work? Actually, considering their moral code, how can any of them make such a threat?

For reasons unclear, Canary lets Dreamer wake up. They chat for a bit about how Canary is okay with death and Dreamer lets her know that the only thing she sees in her future is pain.

To Legion World we go, where Chuck Taine is giving orders (and I have no idea why Wildfire is listening to him) and tells the Legionnaire to head to Karahdia to send back reinforcements. The technology blackout is growing very fast and soon, many people are going to die from radiation.

Devil gets home, angry she didn't get to kill Brainy and Umbra - the sight of Violet stopped her. She smacks Dreamer across the face as Canary asks how she was going to survive once Legion World was shut down. Devil knows that Dreamer is the reason she figured that part of the plan out so she wants to double the drugs they're giving Dreamer to keep her sleepy.

As Canary gets ready to inject her, Dreamer shoves her hand over an open flame on the table beside her. That sudden pain affects Canary and, suddenly, all the technology is working again.

I know I'm an idiot, but can anyone explain why they needed Dreamer at all for this? I mean, if it's Canary's powers that are shutting down the technology, what role did Dreamer play? She can't amplify powers. She can't transmit brain waves. In fact, even if she could, Canary's powers are affecting tech, which is something Dreamer has never had control over. I cracked a lot of jokes about DnA not caring if their stories made sense, but this one might be the worst yet. Also, why didn't she shove her hand over the flame when she was up, walking around, in the previous scene?

In case you were wondering what Timber Wolf was doing, he leaps in through the window and attacks Devil. They fight and he quickly knocks her out. So, to make sense of this, Brin recovered from the massive gaping chest wound, went outside the apartment, and jumped back in through the window to attack.

Everything is wrapped up nicely and Metropolis starts celebrating. Really... they've got ticker tape flying everywhere. I'm guessing the (and this is a conservative guess) families of the thousands of people who died when the power went out may not be ready to cheer quite yet.

The Persuader's daughter asks Karate Kid out on a date.

Trudy decides to go by her real name: Hannah Wells

Winema Wazzo is fine, thanks to a horrible criminal being the only person in Metropolis who's able to perform surgery. Which says something horrible about  medical training in the 31st Century.

M'onel and Brainy wrap up the story on Karahdia as well - once they reached their evolutionary peak, they devolved at a similarly advanced rate. So I was right last week - the best thing to do was just leave them alone.

On the plus side, this was a better Legion story than what we've seen for a while. Simone had a really good take on a lot of the Legionnaires and it was kinda fun watching the chaos. Jurgens and Smith drew a very good-looking book and I can never complain when we see Legionnaires out of uniform.

But... and this is a gigantic but... this one really felt like Simone had ideas for about five different storylines and shoved everything into these four issues. Characters appeared and disappeared. Nothing that happened really made any sense at all. I've referred to the concept of "throwing spaghetti and the wall and seeing what sticks" in storytelling and this might be one of the best examples I've read in a while.

I gotta be honest - I really think that if you stopped reading this series with issue #33 and considered that the end, you wouldn't be missing anything.

For those of you who have the original comics, what did the book say about this being the end? Was there any warning in previous issues? Did they let you know this was coming or was it a shock with this one?

Teen Titans #16

I'm gonna go kinda quick through this one, just to bring you up to speed before the Titans/Legion Special that sees the final chapter of the reboot Legionnaires.

We begin with Superboy (Connor Kent) and Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) having an awkward dinner date when Connor is sucked up into a vortex to the 31st Century. Then, almost immediately after, he reappears through a similar wrinkle in time and tells Cassie that the future depends on them. He's also now in his full Superboy costume with the Legion belt buckle.

Our creative team: Writer Geoff Johns and artists Mike McKone and Marlo Alquiza. It's Superboy and the Legion, Part One.

Wonder Girl brings Superboy to Titans Tower and we discover he's holding seven Legion flight rings in his hand. An axe comes out of nowhere and the Persuader bursts through another time wrinkle. He's going to kill Superboy, so, of course, the Titans come to their teammate's rescue. They fight and then the Persuader heads back through time.

Superboy wakes up, makes sure everyone puts on their flight rings to protect them from the vacuum of space, and they head into the future. Long gone are the days where the Legion had to put on trans-suits to survive but I don't remember when they added this new tech.

They meet up with the Legion, pleasantries are made, jokes are cracked, and the adventure begins. The Fatal Five has attacked the Earth on the anniversary of the Legion's formation and the Legion needs all the help they can get.

Legion World explodes, sending shock waves over the heroes and a fireball is heading toward Earth. Cosmic Boy takes charge, giving out orders, and some of them go off to protect the Earth. The rest head to what's left of Legion World to keep it intact. They finally remember something that happened in The Legion series and Kid Quantum comments that if Legion World goes away, the gravitational forces could tear the Earth apart.

For the final big reveal, we learn that it's not the Fatal Five they're facing - it's the Fatal Fives from a hundred different realities - The Persuader has been using his axe to slice into parallel realities and recruit themselves. So they're against the Fatal Five Hundred.

Quick, right?

Well, I always like McKone's artwork, so it nice to see him working on the Legion. And the story moved well - Johns is a good writer.

But I'm always disappointed when it's obvious that no one paid even the slightest attention to anything that's happened in The Legion. For example, the anniversary of the Legion forming already happened during Foundations, so unless they went back in time, Superboy has been in the 31st Century for a year, not five months. And we just saw the Persuader in the finale of The Legion, in prison, so I don't know how he got his axe back and why he's doing this.

Unfortunately, none of this matters. This is the end of this version of the Legion, so it doesn't have to make any sense. We just need a finale and a way to get Superboy back to the 21st Century.

 

Teen Titans/The Legion Special (2004) #1

We begin, as we always do, with a recap.

The Legionnaires and Titans are fighting the Fatal Five Hundred, trying their best to save the Earth from this new threat. Cosmic Boy orders a retreat, knowing there's no way both teams can survive fighting 500 super villains. Ever the optimist (is he?), Robin says that they can beat them with teamwork before getting blasted by the Emerald Eye. It doesn't seem to affect him, though, and he's able to hear multiple Persuaders say "I could do this all day." Is that just a standard line that everyone uses in comics and comic movies now?

Our writers for this finale: Mark Waid & Geoff Johns. Our pencillers: Ivan Reis & Joe Prado. Our inker is Marc Campos.

Saturn Girl gets Raven to start teleporting our heroes off the battlefield and to a safe location. I don't know how safe it will be with 100 Emerald Eyes searching for them.

Where do they go? The Legion's old headquarters. You remember that L-shaped building in the middle of Metropolis, right? Beast Boy rightfully points out that this is a horrible choice of a hiding spot. We also learn that Legion World wasn't completely destroyed - only a chunk is missing - and the Legion Cadets are taking care of the injured Legionnaires: Kinetix, Sensor, and Gates. So, the non-humanoid and the overly-evolved Legionnaires are out of action. Is that because it's harder to draw aliens or because two of them are new to this reboot?

We then get the awkward moment of Superboy talking about whether he wants to stay with the Legion or go back with the Titans. He also says he's been fighting the Fatal Five Hundred for months. He's only been in the 31st Century for five months, so this has been going on for most of the time he's been there. How does this make any sense? Did any of the stories in The Legion actually happen? Have Johns and Waid just basically said, "screw this, we don't care if this makes sense... we just want it to end..."

Brainiac 5 reveals his plan - he's going to get Kid Flash and XS to run on platforms that will generate vibrational signals and send the Fatal Five back to their own universes. He's also reverted to the pre-Legion Lost personality, acting like a jerk and ripping into Kid Flash.

We also get a head-scratching moment where Apparition and Ultra Boy comment on how young the Titans are and how they're so raw and disorganized. Of all the Legionnaires who shouldn't be making these comments, I'd put these two at the top. I hope this is a moment when the writers are trying to be ironic, or subtly making fun of the pair, but I don't think that's the case.

Since we haven't had any action for a couple of pages, a herd of Validuses (Validi?) smash through the walls and attack. They're followed by the Fatal 500 (not to be confused with the Indy 500) in a frightening two-page spread. I have no idea when the Persuader became the leader of this group, but they're writing him that way.

Gear and I-Kid (yes, that's what he calls Invisible Kid and I'll just say that, as nicknames go, it's horrible) are trying to stay focused on the mechanical tasks at hand. I guess Gear wasn't injured at all when Legion World blew up but others, with much more powerful superpowers, were. Make this make sense, please.

Cosmic Boy literally rips the cybernetics off numerous Tharoks (which should kill them) to save Cyborg and then says, without a hint of understanding why this is tone-deaf: "The United Planets sees life-forms such as yours (Cyborg's) as equals."

Then Garth turns Leviathan's suit into Boktonium Alloy and amplifies her bio-electric aura so the Validi's lightning bolts don't affect her. And super-strong. So they forgot that she's calling herself Violet again. At least they remembered that Garth has Element Lad's powers.

Kid Flash is a moron, so he runs away to go and see his mother. XS runs faster so Brainy won't notice the drop in vibrations and Bart promises he'll be back. Brainy notices the drop in speed, but Bart's able to give his mom a hug. I had no idea Miss Thawne was important enough to give orders to S.P.s. Or that she looks like she's about 18. But we get a nice five-panel reunion that proved that Kid Flash is a selfish idiot and more important than any of the Legionnaires in the book.

Kid Flash rejoins XS, they get the resonator cells to maximum capacity, and most of the Fatal 500 disappears. So no consequences for abandoning his team and putting the entire plan at risk - great message.

Next, we get the standard "Brainiac 5 has a plan but there's unintended consequences that are worse than the problem he was originally solving" plot device. As the villains go back to their own timelines, Brainy reveals that now this universe is losing its connection to the spacetime continuum. Or maybe not. Then he says that the world isn't blowing up and it's only a localized effect, so only they've been cut loose. Do they mean they, this universe, or they, the super-heroes?

Also, the Titans can use their reality's Persuader's axe to get back to the 21st Century. But there's a catch - since the axe is fated to return to the 21st Century (and I have no idea why that would be the case), the Titans can use it to get back home. Then, when they close the loop, the Legion is trapped in this space between dimensions. Or, they can reopen the loop, get the Legion home, and cause catastrophic damage to the 21st Century.

Since Superboy is the one controlling the axe, he gets to make the choice - which team is he a part of?

To no surprise, he chooses to get the Titans back home and promises they'll rescue the Legionnaires. But the Persuader grabs the axe, causing a huge mess, kinda... the Titans get back home with no problems. And because the Titans are such great heroes, they just kinda dismiss what happened, confident that the Legion can take care of themselves. So no attempt to save the Legionnaires... great heroes...

To the dimensional vortex we go (I think), where the Legionnaires are holding hands and trying to stick together. Shikari tries to lead them to safety but the "winds" are too strong, so she can't. Kid Quantum tells Shikari to save herself. After all, the Legion has been lost before and they'll survive this. They float away into nothingness and tens years of Legion stories end... well that was anticlimactic.

Shikari flies away into a new dimension and we get our preview of the new Threeboot Legion....

On an alien world, a parent is yelling at her child, angry he's reading Legion of Super-Heroes #0 and dressing like a super-hero. On another planet, a father lets his daughter know that she is not allowed to go to Earth.

On a space talk show, a governor talks about how a group of teenagers have banded together, calling themselves Legionnaires, using flight rings, and trying to act like heroes from 1,000 years ago. The host mentions that these Legionnaires did avert a terrorist attack.

Somewhere else, a boyfriend discovers her girlfriend is wearing a Superman tee-shirt and he wonders if the Legion is going to reprogram his brain... so she stops the make-out session and wants to go home.

On Earth, a teenage boy rebels against his parents, who don't want him to have anything to do with this Legion. They order him to stop mentioning this team and that he's an embarrassment to their family. They're going to ground him, until he turns 18, to keep him safe. The boy tells him the world sucks, and they suck, so his father slaps him across the face.

So the boy climbs out the window and jumps. He puts on his Legion flight ring and his parents realize he's off the service - they don't know where he is. We also learn his name is "Lyle."

Lyle flies into the sky and joins... the new Legion of Super-Heroes.

Does this mean Shikari is in the new Legion as well?

Does this mean they've read comic books starring these people that were written 1,000 years earlier? If the Legion exists as a comic book in a world where the Legion really exists, does this mean Otto Binder and Al Plastino are actually master prophets who predicted the Legion would be formed in the 31st Century? Am I alone in thinking this is the dumbest thing imaginable?

Wow... what a monumentally horrible way to end the reboot Legion. I'm trying to imagine how pissed I'd be if I had spent 10 years reading this version of the Legion, loving these characters, only to see them fly off into limbo.

Couldn't they have used the 10 pages they gave to the preview to show the Legion get home? I mean, would that have been so hard to give their fans a happy ending?

The Legionnaire in the spotlight feature will return in two weeks... this reread has already gone too long.

Next week, a complete retrospective on the reboot Legion, inspired by one of Clint Eastwood's most famous movies. Don't you dare miss it!