Another planet falls... the team splinters apart... we look at Legion of Super-Heroes v5 #7 & 8

Legion of Super-Heroes v5 #7

First of all, thanks to any of my readers who checked out the new podcast I'm doing with JimboFett - we got far more listeners than I imagined we'd get at the beginning and it's been a blast doing them so everything's golden right now.

Since I'm in such a good mood, this review will be super easy to do... as long as writer Mark Waid and artist Barry Kitson don't make me hate another Legionnaire. Or blow up another planet.

Let's begin, shall we?

Brainiac 5 is on exposition duty this time, so while he's hooked up to some sort of super computer he's telling us everything that's been happening (Orando's destroyed, the U.P. is in trouble). Invisible Kid is transcribing his notes into a computer and causes a short - the formulas caused a fatal error that ends up displaying this horrible message: "Colu is next."

The Legion takes a space ship (why no transmatter?) to Colu and Brainy explains to Light Lass how he had to have created the subroutine and that Colu is supremely valuable because of how smart they are. I know they need Brainy to explain everything for new readers who don't know the Legion, but do they need Light Lass to play the idiot to do it?

While the two bicker about Dream Girl using her powers to pick the team, Chameleon entertains Saturn Girl by changing shape. We also discover that Cham's the "secret weapon" for this mission.

An aside about Cham - I do kinda like the new look. Or it's, at least, growing on me. I've said this multiple times - I love a diverse Legion and the more aliens they have, the better. I don't know if just giving Cham new eyes is enough to make him more alien, but at least they're trying. Someone on Reddit said they should give him real chameleon eyes and now I'm wishing that happens.

Back at Legion HQ, Cosmic Boy argues with the U.P., trying to get them to do anything on Colu. But the leaders believe that the Coluans can negotiate with the attackers and they won't have to fight. Cosmic Boy knows that's a horrible idea but, of course, the U.P. doesn't listen.

Previously, the U.P. talked about how they trust the Legion and want to use them to keep everyone happy. And the Science Police have talked about how they know they're going to have to fight to protect the galaxy. And Orando's been completely destroyed. So the solution? Do nothing. I know we're just trying to set up conflict between the Legion and every adult, but this doesn't make a lot of sense.

Sun Boy and Triplicate Girl have a nice chat and we confirm that he's leaving the team. He also confirms that everyone knows she is Cosmic Boy's spy and that the team knows he's playing them. So Rokk is going to be the greatest leader of all time, right?

Back to the ship, we continue with Cham's alien behavior. Excited by Light Lass' Konapple, his antennae start scanning it and freak her out. He does this whenever he discovers a new biological form - he has no control over it.

They arrive at Colu and we learn a few interesting things about Colu - it's surrounded by a force field to keep the planet sterile. The population is slightly more than 16.3 trillion beings - the most heavily populated world in known space. With every scene he's in, Brainy acts more and more like someone you would never want to spend more than 30 seconds with. I thought reboot Brainy was bad, but this version is even worse. I guess they can justify this as "he's stressed because his home world is under attack" but then they'd actually have to show it.

How can the planet sustain so many people? Miniaturization. They're called "The Bottle Planet of Colu." Not Kandor? The Legionnaires shrink down and fly to the Cortex of the planet, the central router. They discover the citizens have been infected with a viral corruption - they can no longer think. As the Legionnaires fly away, looking for answers, a mysterious figure appears.

They soon learn that the citizens are being overwritten with bad data and the people are now burning fires in the streets to cook... meat of some kind. No idea how a miniaturized planet of over 16 trillion people would have birds flying around to catch... so you figure that one out yourself.

Also, how is the smartest planet, and one that is so focused on their own intelligence, so easily ruined? They have a force shield to protect themselves from diseases but not from whatever's destroying them now? And if you're going to say they just forgot Lemnos arrived, how would they even let him in? Why would they miniature him? Nothing makes sense here.

Light Lass uses her powers so they can get through the rubble and find Colu's foremost researcher. While flying through the hallways to get to their goal, Brainiac 5 gives one of my favorite moments of the whole series. He's talking about how impressive Light Lass' powers are and how her behavior drives him crazy.

"The fourth and final (fundamental force in the universe) is gravity, which is the least understood and yet has, by far, the most colossal scale. There are no two things in existence that aren't, on some level, connected by it. Gravity is the dominant force in the universe for shaping the large-scale structure of galaxies and stars. It is quite literally the glue that holds all existence together.

"I am dismissive of you, Light Lass -- and your opposite number, Star Boy -- because your abilities would indicate to me that you are conceivably two of the most powerful sentient beings in the universe, and you treat your powers like they're party tricks."

Why do I love this speech (and I didn't include all of it)? Because, once again, we see that Waid has really, really thought about the power of each Legionnaire and how they are so special. Light Lass has always been a bit of a joke in the Legion and everyone always thought her lightning powers were far better than her gravity control. But in one page, we see just what makes her so special and why she should get so much more respect than she ever has.

They break into a room and electrical sparks are everywhere - things are not looking good. Cham finds a monkey-like animal they're testing on (Koko, maybe?) and Saturn Girl finds the researcher. Unfortunately, she's already succumbed to the disease and is singing a nursery rhyme. The same rhyme she used to sing to Brainy while he was growing up. Yes, this is his mother.

Brainy starts ranting about how he has to save the planet and save the Coluans - after all, if you're not intelligent you're nothing. Which, of course, doesn't make the Legionnaires feel great.

The roof shatters and a mass of attackers approach. Light Lass is struck by a falling rock and they have to protect her. Brainy is soon surrounded by mindless Coluans and they all fly away to safety.

Once they're alone, Brainy talks about how this is genocide and they have no way to stop it. Cham's antennae start reacting so Light Lass starts using her powers. If he's detected a new biological form, she's going to force it out into the open.

Who is it? Praetor Lemnos. Brainiac 5's memories come flooding back (remember last issue? somehow Lemnos didn't notice that he was infecting his own code while they were talking to each other) and he knows how much of a threat Lemnos is. As Light Lass brings gravity back (no idea why...), Brainy won't let go and wants answers.

We start switching between Legion HQ and what's happening on Colu. Phantom Girl is heading into the most dangerous room in the building while Lemnos tells Brainy that he's not going to remember anything.

But Brainy knows he's bluffing - if Lemnos makes him forget, he'll let go and the villain will go flying into space. Which is why Lemnos stops the attack on Colu. I guess everyone's back to normal?

Phantom Girl breaks down the door and numerous Legionnaires enter. Lemnos tells Brainy that he's not the adversary, it's the Legionnaires breaking into his lab. How would he know this is happening? Does he have cameras everywhere in the HQ? Then he injures Brainy's shoulder and flies away, needing help from Terror Firma.

Who broke into the lab? Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Invisible Kid, and Triplicate Girl. Cosmic Boy wants to know all of Brainy's secrets.

This issue really didn't work for me. I don't know why he attacks Colu, especially when he surrenders it so quickly. I don't know how anyone knows anything - Brainiac 5 knew the answers to everything and there was no reason why. He just looked at something for a second and knew exactly what was wrong. I know he's incredibly smart, but couldn't they have showed him actually figuring things out? I know a tricorder is a silly device, but it's a great plot point to show the character actually thinking about something. Also, why wasn't Brainy infected by the same disease? Way too many questions at the end of this one.

 

Legion of Super-Heroes v5 #8

We have another guest penciller, Kevin Sharpe, and a guest inker, Prentis Rollins. Considering this title has a much higher page count, and I imagine the demands of drawing such a large team can stress even the best and quickest artists, I'm not going to make my usually snarky comments about needing a fill-in artist already. They're doing 28 pages a month instead of the usual 22, so something's got to give.

Just for the record, I think 28 pages a month for a Legion comic is a great idea - I'd go 22 for the main story and 6-page backups by different artists, but that's just me.

We start this issue on a space ship and a bunch of new "Legion" members have just discovered that they're not going to Earth, they're going to be sold as slaves by the people who scammed them. Even worse, because they believe the Science Police are on the way, the villains are going to open the airlock and kill every one of the kids.

Micro Lad stands up to one of the pirates, Gormox, and grows to a colossal height before smacking him to the ground. As the captain, Phiyr, rushes to escape, he's surprised by Element Lad, who's dressed in red and yellow and surrounded by fire. Wow - could they make him and Sun Boy look more alike?

Regarding my comments last week about everyone looking the same, take a look at the roll call pics of Micro Lad, Ultra Boy, Cosmic Boy, and Invisible Kid and tell me you could figure out who's who without the captions.

Back at Legion HQ, Brainiac 5 is back in his lab, throwing and smashing things because he's so angry Cosmic Boy broke into the area last issue. Cosmic Boy forces his way through the force field, as it's just another electromagnetic wave that he can control, and we have yet another showdown between these two.

Cosmic Boy talks about unity and how he was sick of Brainy keeping secrets. He says he wants total communication at all times between Legionnaires. And Brainy agrees. Slightly anticlimactic, but I'm sure Brainy's going to do something to mess this up.

To U.P. HQ, where Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, and Dream Girl are trying to convince someone to take the threat of Praetor Lemnos and Terror Firma seriously. As they're explaining the threat, they fill us in on what's been happening and why Lemnos is such a threat. The U.P. officer doesn't take them seriously, believing they're just seeing ghosts, and calls for security to arrest the Legionnaires. We also learn that Saturn Girl has now used her powers to make sure that Lemnos' powers don't work on her teammates.

Lightning Lad gives the soldiers a little blast before challenging the officer... who is Lon Norg, Invisible Kid's father. Isn't he a Science Police officer? So why is he at U.P. HQ? Then Garth points out that he's risen remarkably quickly through the S.P. and into the U.P. and he probably doesn't even remember how that happened.

I know that Waid is trying to build this over-arching plot of the adults against the kids, and now the adults are being manipulated by Lemnos, and Norg is the embodiment of all this, but there are times like this when I just think he's forcing the issue and making huge leaps that just don't make any sense. It is weird to say that this book can't seem to figure out whether they're going too slow or too fast?

Back to Legion HQ, where Light Lass has gone to Projectra's chambers to see how she's doing. Ayla doesn't seem to have any clue about how to talk to someone who's literally lost everything, and she really comes off as flippant and uncaring. But this scene only exists so Projectra can drop the line, "You have no clue what I've lost... or what I've gained..." Powers are coming.

Elsewhere, Cosmic Boy asks Element Lad to investigate why they still have tons of money when Orando's been destroyed. As soon as Jan leaves, Sun Boy enters (in an almost identical costume but without a cape) and quits the Legion. Cosmic Boy refuses to let him leave and Sun Boy wonders why he cares so much. Rokk's response: "Because it makes me look like an idiot!" Then he complains and whines that he's got to keep the team together while everyone else does what they want. He also calls Chameleon "the poisonously bitter one," which is not something I've ever seen in these issues.

Then, after the blow up, Brainy lets Cosmic Boy know that he's shared the outburst with the entire team. Everyone's heard everything Rokk said. No surprise, they don't look happy.

Cosmic Boy speeds to Brainy's lab to confront him and gets his words and orders thrown back at him. Brainy has also intensified the force field so Cosmic Boy can't get in. Which is great, because Ultra Boy attacks, angry that he was called a "jerkwit!"

Micro Lad grabs Ultra Boy, trying to calm him down, and gets a blast of Ultra vision for his troubles, burning his hand. Saturn Girl enters Jo's mind and shuts down his powers, allowing Lightning Lad to blast him. Karate Kid is not pleased she's entered his mind. When Micro Lad tries to grab him, Val throws him through a wall and outside.

Again, just say Karate Kid has powers. It's getting dumb.

The team battles against each other as Cosmic Boy and Brainiac 5 argue about who's ripping the team apart. Brainy questions him: "Is this your idea of leadership?" Brainy says that, under his leadership, they can defeat Lemnos. But Cosmic Boy will fail.

Rokk does something to the Flight Rings (no idea what) and then they get an urgent call from the U.P. Cosmic Boy essentially gives up, stating that they can follow whoever they want - him or Brainy.

Which is when we find out that Braal is leaving the U.P and sealing their borders. If Rokk isn't home in six hours, he'll be in permanent exile.

So who am I supposed to be cheering for here? Brainy the sociopath? Rokk the arrogant jerk? Who should I want to have leading the team? Neither looks particularly good and both seem to be completely ill-equipped for the job. I'm trying to find a Legionnaire in this book who I can relate to, or empathize with, or cheer for, and it's just not happening. With each issue, I care less and less about them. And that's not good.

Art-wise, Sharpe did his best but he was really struggling with all the characters. Too many Legionnaires looked the same and too many changed panel-to-panel. This really is one of the hardest books to draw... especially when there are so many similarly-features team members.

 

And now... the Legionnaire in the spotlight you've been waiting for... the Legionnaire I can't stand and hope never comes back in any way, shape, or form... and I know this will annoy many of my readers... Devlin O'Ryan!!

 

 

The Wesley Crusher of the Legion. The Gary Stu of the Legion. The Deux Ex Machina of the Legion.

The single worst member in Legion history.

Is that hyperbolic? Am I exaggerating? I honestly don't think so.

Here are the low lights of Devlin O'Ryan:

• He's introduced to us in the 5YL Legion as a Daily Planet reporter, one who helped reveal the Dominators controlling EarthGov. Based on the fact that he's a working reporter, and he's drawn the way he appears in both pictures I've posted above, he'd be, at the very least in his 20's... 30's...
• Then he starts hanging out with the Legion, even though he's bringing nothing to the table, power-wise. He's yet another attempt at comic relief, only without the comedy.
• He gets exposed to radiation and suddenly has the power to reflect any physical or energy attack. So he's Reflecto? Nope - Reflex.
• Then he meets the SW6 Legion, all of whom are teenagers, and starts a relationship with Shrinking Violet. My reaction? That's... illegal.
• But wait! He's actually 15... even though that was never mentioned once. And there's no way Keith Giffen was drawing a teenager.
• And when given the choice of either hanging out with the girl he likes or hanging out with a bunch of old Legionnaires, he chooses... the old folks. Right... a 15-year-old is going to choose to hang out with people older than his parents...
• For the rest of this version of the Legion, he's the savior who fixes everything. He "kills" Firefist by reflecting the blast back at the Khundian (which leads to one of the worst Legion storylines and one directly ripped from an episode of Three's Company). He defeats Glorith by turning her powers back against her. He becomes the central figure as all the magicians on the team send their powers through him. Without Devlin, the Legion can never succeed.
• Then, thankfully, he disappears into Zero Hour and hopefully we never see him again.

One of the worst aspects of the 5YL Legion is just how blatantly and horribly obvious it was when the writers loved a character. And they loved Devlin. At a certain point, I was waiting for the Legionnaires to just stop doing anything and drop him into the mix - he was going to be the one who defeated the villain and solve all the problems. The only thing they didn't do was find some contrived way to make sure he got the girl as well.

If I have one request to DC Comics regarding a relaunch of the Legion, it's simply this - don't bring this horrible character back. Just leave him in limbo.

Too harsh?

 

Thanks everyone for reading and please leave any comments you have on the Reddit message boards. See you next week when we continue dealing with Lemnos and I get to keep talking about Legionnaires I don't really care about. Khundian Legionnaires? That's un-possible!