We go back to the past and see Superboy get his first kiss... I think... let's take a look at Adventure Comics #12/515

 

Adventure Comics #12/515

Welcome back everyone! Last week was one of my best-read articles in a long time, and we got some great comments both here and on Reddit, so I'm hoping this continues this week.

Looking at this cover, I'm trying to figure out how long the female Legionnaires can stand in those obviously uncomfortable poses. Can the back really arch that way? Scott Clark is the artist on this one so I'm going to trust his anatomy class taught him this.

This issue is brought to you by writer Paul Levitz, penciller Kevin Sharpe, and inkers Marlo Alquiza and Marc Deering.

We begin in Smallville in the 20th Century. Judging by the idea that Superboy's tales take place 13 years before current continuity, this would be 1997. Martha and Jonathan are trying to figure out why Clark isn't home. And neither is the costume. 

We, of course, know where he is. He's standing in a time bubble with Brainiac 5, excited to learn something new today. We get a great moment when Brainy shows that he struggles to understand the whole idea of a secret identity. They're headed to Metropolis in the 31st Century... At least, I think it's the 31st Century. I'm still not too sure how far into the Legion's past these stories occur. I mean, has the Legion been around for 13 years as well?

This is Superboy's first time sightseeing in the future (he's only been there on missions before) and he's amazed by what he sees. Brainy rattles off some statistics - 78 million inhabitants, 8 x 10 to the 19th power lesser life forms - not counting cockroaches. Another nice Brainy bit where he reveals he hates those bugs. Now this is the Brainy I want to see. Why is he nice here and a jerk later?

Saturn Girl arrives to greet Superboy, giving him a hug. She grabs his arm, promising him a tour, and laughs at how Clark turns red when he's embarrassed.

Saturn Girl: Oh... sorry... you're broadcasting your thoughts very loudly.

Superboy: I-I didn't mean to insult y--

Is this the first time we see Superboy possibly having a crush on Imra? Or am I reading too much in this? Or did someone touch on this before? We're long past him being thrown off by the Legion's costumes - teenage girls were dressing much the same in the 90s. I can only assume he's actually falling for Imra.

We get Superboy's wish list of things to do. First, see the city. He complains about how boring Smallville is. Saturn Girl reveals that she was orphaned as a baby. And they fly to a shopping center after talking about how badly the 20th Century smells.

Elsewhere in Metropolis, the Legion are completing one of their time-honored tasks - search and rescue after a ship struck a building. Cosmic Boy and Colossal Boy are working on holding up a wall. Phantom Girl heads inside to look for injured people. Lightning Lad grabs an alien who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And Triplicate Girl helps.

The Science Police let them know that the cruiser that crashed was supposed to have delivered a vaccine to the S.P. Academy on Mars - which just happens to be where trainee Gigi Cusimano is stationed. Can the Legion get it there any faster? I'm left wondering why anything in the 31st Century is being flown manually.

Saturn Girl takes Superboy to, of all places, the Superman museum. Not sure why she thought this would be a good idea, but teenagers do dumb things even in the 31st Century. He is overwhelmed and doesn't know how to process what we will do, so she puts a block in his mind so that he won't recall anything that he learns about himself in the future.

What's the fastest way to get something to Mars? On the Superboy express, of course. Clark's surprised - he didn't even know he could fly into space. Which leads to the second thing on his checklist: "Test what my powers can do."

He wonders how he'll breathe in space but soon feels energized by the sunshine and the lack of resistance. He flies at full throttle, getting to Mars in no time. The doctors waiting for him are stunned, certain that Superman was just a myth. I really like this touch - not everyone has seen Superman and I'm sure he'd be a mythic character to most.

Checklist item #3: "Play a ballgame without holding back." They get out on a baseball diamond, at Superboy's request. Cosmic Boy pitches a metallic ball for more speed, Clark slams it into the sky, and Colossal Boy grows and catches the pop fly. Chameleon Boy changes to snare the second pop up before it's time for ground balls. Lightning Lad throws Clark out at first and it's time for the next inning.

Phantom Girl gives him a hug as Superboy takes the mound and bets him a kiss he can't beat the entire Legion. Just before the first pitch, he hears something and Superboy takes off.

There's a fire in Legion HQ and Brainy tells Superboy that he's got six minutes to put it out before the whole building could go up. A little super speed flight encircling the fire and he saves the day.

What was Brainy doing? He blew up his third laboratory, according to R.J. Brande, trying to discover a way to destroy the cockroaches. Then Brande has a line of dialogue that left me scratching my head:

Brande: Clean up quick -- quick, maybe faster than other Legionnaires straighten selves out from silly ballgame with souvenir legend you find me from history books... and maybe you be in time for party.

Yes, I wrote that out word-for-word. There are three options for why he's written this way: this is going to lead to some twist where Brande is actually an alien who can't speak Interlac, I have a very weird digital copy of the book, or Brande is suffering from space madness.

Checklist item #4: "Have fun at party." They're drinking Kono juice, hanging streamers and balloons, and somehow Clark hasn't ever had a party like this. I know things are lonely for him in the 20th Century, but this seems like something he would've enjoyed as a child. Also, I remember parties in the 90s... they were much more interesting than this.

Things heat up when Phantom Girl wants Superboy to give her the kiss he owes for losing the game. She kisses him and his eyes go red, heat vision exploding and destroying a panel behind her. She laughs, saying she wasn't hurt (gotta love being immaterial), and thinks Clark needs to get out more.

Somehow that's item #5: "Kiss a girl without my glasses on." Does that mean he's never kissed a girl before? Or that he's never kissed a girl without wearing his glasses? Judging from his loss of control, I'm guessing the first option. What happened with Lana? 

Then two of Triplicate Girl's bodies kiss him on the cheek, making him go red once more.

Chameleon Boy wonders why Brande is funding the Legion and the Quintillionaire just tells the Durlan to trust his reasons.

Back to the time bubble and Saturn Girl is taking Superboy home. He thinks that this was a perfect day. Imra reveals that if Tinya hadn't have kissed him, she was going to. And Clark admits he would've liked that. But they probably shouldn't until he has better control over himself.

Must... resist... premature ejaculation jokes...

Saturn Girl plays with his mind again, wishing she could tell him how he's going to be in complete control of his powers.

Back in Smallville, Clark and Jonathan talk about the future and how excited his parents would be to see what Clark will become. Clark says that everything he saw feels like a dream - a really good dream.

As they go back in for freshly-made apple pie, we see the final item on Clark's checklist: "Be myself."

 

Jokes aside, this was one the best Legion stories I've read in a long time. No darkness, no horrors, just a nice little Silver Age-style tale about Superboy getting to have fun in the future.

Levitz shows that he's still got the characters down pat and I really get the sense he had a blast writing something that called back to his childhood fandom.

Cynics might say that this was too nice of a story, or that it didn't have any conflict or drama, but this one issue showed just how important the Legion was for Superboy. And as I've discussed in some of the Superboy podcasts, how he needs them more than the Legion needs him.

I also thought it was a great touch to thematically connect this issue to the first issue of this new Adventure Comics run, when Geoff Johns showed Connor Kent using a checklist to figure out if he was more like Superman or Lex Luthor.

After reading over all the Superman books for the Last Stand of New Krypton story, I get the sense that penciller Kevin Sharpe is just giving us more of the "house style" at the time. Nothing about his work really stands out, but nothing's taking away from the story.

 

Thanks for reading, and please share your thoughts either here or on Reddit. Until next week!