Writing Battle - The Crossing Guard

There's a website called Writing Battle that has monthly competitions for short story writers. Each time, they assign you three story elements that you use to create your prose.

 

This is the second story I wrote for one of the competitions and wanted to post it here. Please enjoy!

The story elements I was assigned:

• Genre: Swashbuckler
• Character: Volunteer
• Object: Typewriter 

The Crossing Guard

by Jay McKiernan

 

"Okay, tell me what happened."

"That man is crazy! I was just walking with my girlfriend, minding my own business, and this old man comes up and start flirting with Jenny. She's fifty years younger than him and he's asking her out and wanting to buy her dinner. I step up and tell him to leave us alone, as polite as I can be. Then he starts whacking me with his stop sign! I didn't fight back because I'd kill 'im. But there's only so much a man can take, you know?”

 

"Okay, tell me what happened."

"It's okay, Andy. Just tell the nice policeman what you saw."

"Yes, mom. Mr. Leach was with us... like every day... and we was waiting for the light. He was showing us some tricks."

"Tricks?"

"Yeah. How to... um... parry? And how to stand. He shows us little things every day. Teachin' us how to swordfight like a real pirate..."

"Swordfight?"

"Yeah. He's great at it. Then this scary guy comes up... yelling at his girlfriend. And Mr. Leach tells us he's got to step in. It's what a gentleman would do."

"Gentleman?"

"Yeah, he's always telling us to be gentlemen and ladies."

"Okay..."

“And the man kept saying a buncha bad words… You want me to tell you what he said?”

“No, Andy. Please don’t.”

“He gets us all to stand on the grass and then he starts talking to the guy. And then he starts hitting him… over and over… he looked just like Luke Skywalker.”

“Who?”

“Oh, he’s in that new movie that all the kids love. Star Trek, I think.”

“It’s Star Wars, mom.”

  

"Tell me what happened."

"Johnny was being Johnny, you know? He gets jealous. He gets angry. And he didn't like the dress I was wearin'. He was kinda yellin' and I start cryin'. Like I do. Which makes Johnny angrier. He yells louder. And then this guy steps in, offerin' me his handkerchief."

"Really?"

"And tells me that no one should be talkin' to such a beautiful woman in such a manner. He starts calling Johnny names. A cad. A buffoon. Johnny threatens to fight 'im and the man smiles. He says it's a duel. For the fair maiden's honor."

"Your honor?"

"Yeah. Then he starts actin' like one of those old movie stars. The one's my mama used to watch on the TV. Starts attackin' Johnny. Smacking him with the stop sign.

"The kids start laughin' at Johnny, cheering the old guy on. It was actually… kinda… funny, you know?”

 

"Now I wanna hear your side. What happened, Mr. Leach?"

"Well, my dear constable, it's a simple story. I've been helping the school for a while, volunteering as the crossing guard... one must do their part to help the younger generation, mustn't we?"

"Yes, we must..."

"Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I just can't stand by when someone is treating a woman with disrespect. This... I hesitate to call him a man... person was denigrating this poor woman and I had to step him. She was crying, sobbing, really, as he called her every name under the sun. I handed her my handkerchief and tried to make sure she was okay.

"But this ruffian verbally attacked me, accused me of all sorts of improprieties, and I had to defend my honor. You understand, of course.

"I drew my stop sign and challenged him to a duel. He was holding an umbrella... no idea why in this weather... so I figured it would be a fair fight. 

"It was not.

“I got into my first position, gave him a salute, motioned for him to raise his umbrella, and shouted ‘en garde!’

“He, of course, like the uncultured boor he is, didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I smacked his shoulder a couple of times to wake him up.

“The hamster started turning and he figured to raise the umbrella up. He was also cursing up a storm so I asked him, gently, to please refrain from offending the women and children.

“More bad language followed, so I knew I had to end this as quickly as possible.

“I’ve learned a number of things over the years. One of the best lessons I ever learned, something good old Douglas used to tell me, was that the best way to handle a bully was a good smack to the nose. I’m not as young as I used to be, so it took me a few tries… but he took a good smack to the nose.

“Or two. Or three.

“He surrendered quite quickly and demanded we call the police. Since I had done nothing wrong, we all waited for him to find a telephone booth and make the call.

“My only regret is that the children had to witness this violence. And that they got home late. I do take my responsibilities seriously.

“But do I regret giving that man a thrashing? Not at all. A woman’s honor needed defending and there aren’t many men these days willing to do it. Bullies get what’s coming to them, don’t they?”

 

“Awww… dammit… Janson? Janson, you got any white-out?”

“Hold on… hold on… okay, yes, thank you.”

“White-out. You got any?”

“When’re you ever gonna learn how to type? You’re gonna destroy that thing.”

“Typewriters and me just don’t get along.”

“You get along with anybody?”

“Hah.”

“You wanna hear what my friend at Fort MacArthur told me about good old Alec Leach?”

“Surely.”

“He’s got… quite the rep over there. Served in World War II. And Korea. Two Silver Stars and a Medal of Honor.”

“Jeez-us.”

“Movie stuntman… ever saw Gunga Din? Or The Prisoner of Zenda?”

“On a late show, maybe.”

“He’s also got an Olympic Bronze medal. For Fencing. In 1932.”

“Ain’t no way we get a conviction. No way we arrest a goddamn war hero for beating up a dirtbag.”