It's Independence Day for the Legion! We hook up a MacBook to the alien spaceship and look at The Legion #30 & 31

 

The Legion #30

First of all, last week's column has the largest readership since I moved over to Blogspot, so thanks to everyone for reading... it's always good to know that I'm not just screaming into a void, so to speak.

Second of all, I just wanted to put this warning before we start. If you really liked the Foundations story and don't want my rant to ruin any of your memories of this being a good book, please stop reading now. You won't be happy.

Trust me... just scroll down now...

Still with me? Okay...

We've reached the final chapter of the Foundations saga. Young Darkseid has killed old Darkseid on Apokolips and is about to kill the Legion. Time and space are being destroyed by a chronal shockwave caused by pulling young Darkseid out of his timeline (don't worry about what that means for any future stories, like that Darkseid can never time travel). But the villains have sucked an insane amount of Dark Matter out of the universe to build, with a Boom Tube, a chronal dam that will protect the 31st Century. And Superboy, Kid Quantum, Violet, and Live Wire are flying back into the past, covered in Tromium, to stop everything from happening.

Make sense? If not, you're not alone!

I do really like this cover... always nice to start positively...

We start this issue with Superboy attacking young Darkseid and recapping everything that happened before... including the death of old Darkseid... which Superboy would not know about.

I guess they didn't go back into time to stop anything. They just went to Apokolips.

Unfortunately for everyone, only old Darkseid knew the complete plan. And because the chronal dam isn't holding and all of existence is about to go 'poof,' we learn that young Darkseid doesn't have a clue how to fix it.

The rest of the Legion have disappeared (I guess they didn't fight back last issue and just let themselves get captured), so it's these four left to try to save everything. Kid Quantum opens up another portal through time (although she didn't open one in the first place - she just took them to Apokolips) and our quartet flies 21 minutes into the past.

Superboy's horrible dialogue isn't even ruining the scene for me. And it's bad. What's ruining the scene is that the writers, Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning (DnA), have just given up on trying to keep anything consistent. I've complained about some of their stories before and how nothing makes sense. This is the worst of them so far.

For example, as the four fly back into the past, the chronal shockwave hits, destroying everything. Which means that the past is gone too. Which means the four are flying back into nothingness. Could they not have tried, even a little bit, to make this make sense?

21 minutes before, Superboy and Violet (who is no longer suffering from broken ribs) immediately attack young Darkseid to push him back through the Boom Tube and back to his time. They have time to tell the rest of the Legion to start attacking old Darkseid, which they're nice enough to do.

Which, again, leads me to wonder why they weren't doing that before. I mean, it's not like they were fighting an army of parademons and the Servants of Darkness. Glad they could just switch with no repercussions.

As they're attacking the two Darkseids, Kid Quantum realizes that this was what she was seeing every time time was messing up around here. Except for the time that the drinks switched. Or she ended up on a snow-covered mountain. But ignore all that, will ya?

Old Darkseid realizes that he needs more power, so he starts sucking it back from the Servants. By doing this, the miraculously end up transported back to their regular time without a memory of what happened. No Boom Tube. Just bloop and they're back.

One final push sends young Darkseid back, with one word on his lips, "Legion..."

And Clark Kent (remember he was one of the Servants but Darkseid didn't get to him) blasts the weakened Darkseid, knocking him unconscious. But wait - old Darkseid did grab a hold of him as they were fighting. Why didn't he drain his powers too? How is he still in the 31st Century?

Brainy immediately lets us know that Darkseid drained Apokolips dry of energy. It's dormant again. I guess that means all of the "people" living there are... gone?

Back to Legion World we go. Clark Kent's changed back into his normal clothing and I guess his new superpowers, jump-started by Darkseid, are gone. Which, again, makes no sense because if Darkseid drained his powers, Clark would've been sent back to the 21st Century.

He has a nice chat with Superboy, talking about how the symbol on his chest is important. Then Cosmic Boy and Saturn Girl take Clark into a time machine (which I guess is no longer a platform, or, really, anything) and they go back to when Clark was first taken.

Unfortunately for Superboy, they can't send him back to his era because they still don't know when, exactly, he left. So he's stuck in the Legion. And since Cosmic Boy is gone and no longer criticizing him for existing, Brainiac 5 puts him to work and Superboy gets to feel like a real Legionnaire.

Cosmic Boy and Saturn Girl leave Clark in the past, his memory of everything erased, happy that things have worked out.

But, since this is a DnA book, we have to end on a bad note. Old Darkseid is still alive...

Have you ever watched a movie and gotten so angry at a nonsensical plot point or character choice that it ended up ruining the movie for you? I've compared this run to Independence Day (even calling it the ID Legion) so many times but this was the story that made me feel the exact same way I did when I watched a human being hook a MacBook up to an alien computer... and take control of it... I just felt angry

Foundations made me feel the same way. This was a horrid ending to a mediocre story. How did the writers and editor not notice all the plot holes, mistakes, and bad storytelling that's going on here?

The only kind thing I can say here is that Chris Batista keeps impressing me. More than just being good at fight scenes, or the science, he keeps all the characters realistic and their facial expressions are great. I just wish he was drawing something worthy of his talents.

Let's hope next issue is better.

The Legion #31

Judging by this horrible cover, I'm not expecting much...

Do my eyes deceive me? Is this issue drawn by Keith Giffen and inked by Al Milgrom? Should I get excited or this going to be another Giffen comic with artwork that looks... well... ugly? I'm trying so hard to be positive here...

We begin with two guys in blue jumpsuits breaking to an experimental area. It's "Experiment N-13 -- Strictly Hands Off." and behind many locked holo-doors. The guys says they're borrowing it and they wonder how mad the owner will be. Then they discover insurance in the form of photos of... someone.

I'd love to be able to say, with any kind of certainty, that Chuck Taine is one of the thieves and the pictures are of Laurel Gand (Andromeda). And maybe if we had a different artist, I could say that. I have no idea who the woman in the pictures is supposed to be.

We realize we're on Legion World, where Gear and Chuck Taine are working on repairing the massive amounts of the damage to the planetoid. They're complaining about how they have to do the dirty work and the heroes never get their hands dirty.

I know my memory is bad, but when was Legion World destroyed in Foundations? It's been destroyed by Ra's Al Ghul, by the Roboticans, and taken over by Universo. But when did Darkseid attack it?

Oh, Gear was the other thief. They made that clear on page 4.

This book does not feel like a regular Legion book and it's clear why when you see the credits. Keith Giffen is credited as a storyteller (like DnA) and not just the penciller. And when editor Stephen Wacker's credits say "apologizes for everything," I'm guessing this is going to be an issue that focuses on comedy and not drama.

Gear and Chuck head back into the World, using holo-sims to make everyone think they're working hard. But they're actually heading to Chuck's workshop to hide and drink Silverales.

The pair are wandering down into the bowels of the World and they've lost something. Cub shows up and he's grown a lot and is speaking in full and complete sentences. Chuck doesn't want to deal with him, Gear tries to send him on his way, and Cub offers, "Want to see me hock a loogie?"

We are nine-panel gridding like crazy and I'm kinda enjoying this callback to Legion past. We head to the Medilab, where Chuck is taking a shower to wash something off, Dr. Gym'll (who finally looks like himself, not like Yoda) tells them the whole place was scrubbed to the subatomic level, and the two sprint off.

Oh, and Chuck's gained about 70 pounds since we saw him last.

They keep searching for something tiny and clean and end up deciding to bring Superboy into the hunt. Chuck figures they need a patsy, someone to blame this on, and Superboy is perfect. We get some jokes about Superboy being unhygienic and smelly and the trio gets kicked out of the Clubhouse.

We eventually find out what they're tracking - a nanite swarm with programming to clean everything... including all organic matter. It's drawn to look like a transparent Baymax and it is nice enough to clean Gear.

They chase the nanites through the tunnels and suddenly Gear is pulled all over by magnetic energy. They realize they're right beside Kid Quantum's room. Superboy uses his super vision and figures out why Cosmic Boy has lost control of his powers. Yep, we get a "Rokk loses control of his powers during sex" joke.

This "story" finally ends when the nanites try to clean Superboy and, after being exposed to all the 21st Century germs and bugs, they eat themselves.

To wrap everything up, we see Brainiac 5 angrily figuring out that someone tampered with his experiments. But before he can figure out what's happened, he finds a note: "Dear Brainy, YOU don't say anything about the missing nanites and WE don't say anything about your private holo-collection featuring Dreamer, Spark, Andromeda, In-"

Inferno? Insect Queen? Invisible Kid?

If you like Giffen's work and his style of comedy, you'll like this issue. If you find his comedy juvenile and his artwork ugly, you probably won't.

My only complaint about this is that none, and I mean none, of the characters are even slightly similar to what we've been seeing up to now. Chuck is shown to be callous, nasty, selfish, and scheming. Gear is written as a simpleton. Brainy is, I guess, a pervert.

But I can't say I didn't enjoy this a heckuva lot more than last issue. It may be silly and played for cheap laughs, but at least the plot made sense and I did chuckle more than a few times.

Our next Legionnaire in the spotlight... Reflecto!!!

I will always have a soft spot for Reflecto. Not because he's that interesting of a character, or because I loved those Adult Legion stories and was always wondering how the Molecule Master killed him. Or because he died during the Five Year Later stories and came back in that inane "dead Legionnaires come back to life" story.

I have mentioned this before - one of my earliest memories of the Legion involved the much-maligned "The Death of Ultra Boy" story. For those who haven't read it, and I am by no means recommending that you do, here are the basics:

Way back in Legion volume 2 #273, in 1981, the Legion believed that Pulsar Stargrave had blasted Ultra Boy and killed him. But no, he was actually suffering from amnesia and became a space pirate. And then, just as we thought he was going to be a hero again, he gets killed... again... for real this time.

Well, kinda.

As the Legion faces Grimbor the Chainsman, a new hero appears who seems to only care about Phantom Girl: Reflecto. Clad in yellow and orange, this new hero seems to be Ultra Boy in disguise. We spend a few issues battling the villain and then it is revealed: Reflecto is actually Superboy, but with Ultra Boy's memories.

They go back in time, get Superboy's memories back, recover the body of Ultra Boy from an alternate dimension, and both heroes rejoin the team.

We also go through three different writers: Gerry Conway at the end of his run, Roy Thomas, and Paul Levitz at the start of his epic second run. We get two artists: Jimmy Janes and Steve Ditko (who's really not good at this point... sorry). We also get some amazing George Perez cover art.

So I guess I don't really care that much about Reflecto the character as much as I care about the story. My pre-teen brain loved these issues (and I'll still defend them unironically today). And Reflecto grabbed my attention too, even though his stay was short-lived.

By the time Reflecto became a "real" member of the Legion, he became a Rimborian named Stig Ah who could reflect fast-moving objects, matter, or energy. He tried to join the Legion at the same time Ultra Boy applied and was rejected.

I like the costume design for its simplicity. I like the power set and would like to see this character actually get used in some stories. And I will defend one of the most hated Legion stories of all time because it's one of the reasons I love this team so much.

This should come as no surprise, but I'll be taking a little break for the holidays. See everyone in 2025 where, hopefully, this column's audience will continue to grow and there may be some more surprises coming soon!

Have a great holiday season and a happy New Year!