It's Superman versus Earth-Man and it's the long-demanded return of the Legion of Substitute Heroes. We look at Action Comics #862 & 863

 

 

Action Comics #862

These are the final two chapters of this epic tale where Superman goes back to the future, loses all his powers, and the Legion is easily defeated by a bunch of rejects who are now called the Justice League.

If I've learned anything from all the comments about these reviews, it's that this book was either the best return the Legion could have hoped for or the worst one because writer Geoff Johns didn't get the Legion right. It's either the best art in years or the worst art because penciller Gary Frank can't draw faces. No one has a problem with inker Jon Sibal, and neither do I.

Let's recap. The United Planets will go to war with the Earth in four hours because Brainiac 5 can no longer slow down Colu's development of the attack plans. Superman has no powers because every sun has turned red... which breaks physics in so many different ways that I can't even process it. Most of the Legion has been captured and Earth-Man, who we know better as Absorbancy Boy, is, well, absorbing all their powers so he's super at just about everything. Yera Allon, Colossal Boy's Durlan wife, was hiding undercover at the Justice League headquarters to figure out what's going on... but was captured by Earth-Man because he can now read minds (thanks, Saturn Girl). Oh, and she's now called Chameleon Girl, even though she's not really a Legion member and Gim had no idea what she was doing.

Man, the Legion just hates most married couples, don't they? Or is it just comics, in general, that hate marriage?

Before we begin, one thing I forgot to mention is that we now have two Legionnaires who've lost their right arms and grown them back: Lightning Lad and Polar Boy (although Brek's is made of ice and, I'm assuming, he's got to use his powers to control it). No lefties in the Legion? Is this just further elevation of Brek to top Legionnaire status?

Continuing that trend, we begin this issue with Superman comparing himself to Polar Boy - both rejects who did something better with their lives. Clark got to join the Legion and feel accepted and Brek started the Legion of Substitute Heroes and made something better out of his life.

Yeah, it's a stretch...

Look, I love the fact that they're trying to give Superboy more depth and show just how out-of-place he was in his youth, but trying to present him as similar to Polar Boy, the wannabe Legionnaire who had no control over his powers and was desperate to fit in, just doesn't work for me.

On the ship flying from Colu to Earth, Superman tells the other Legionnaires, Polar Boy, Wildfire, Brainiac 5, Colossal Boy, and Dawnstar, that it's time to call in the Subs. Wildfire doesn't like the idea - in his opinion, even though Polar Boy and Night Girl became Legionnaires, there isn't much difference between the Subs and the rejects that became the Justice League.

To no surprise, Brek comes to the defence of the Subs, but the big shock is when Brainiac 5 reveals that the rejects were all mind-scanned by Saturn Girl and they were all, and I'm quoting here, "a group of deeply disturbed individuals hiding a variety of psychotic tendencies and deviant obsessions." That's why they were rejected.

Um, If you're trying to tell me that someone like Golden Boy, whose powers were useless, was rejected because he was psychotic, and the Legion didn't keep a close eye on all of them and didn't see this coming... Ugh. Absorbancy Boy, I'll believe. He was already a villain by the end of his first appearance. But the others? What did Tusker do to Johns?

I guess I should be happy Night Girl joined the Legion... even though it completely goes against volume 3 continuity.

We get a nice little recap, Brainy says that he's already been in touch with the Subs, and the team talks about how they have nothing to lose, so why not call them in?

I'm brimming with confidence.

Back to the Human Cultural Center, where Earth-Man is blasting Yera (I can't call her Chameleon Girl yet... let me get used to it) and talking about how he doesn't know what's worse - her as an alien or Gim as someone who married an alien. He then proceeds to beat her into unconsciousness, ranting about how Clark didn't deserve Legion membership but he did. Another thing I've learned with this issue - Durlans have red blood now. Geez... knowing what's coming in future issues of the Legion makes it even harder to stomach seeing what Earth-Man did here.

Elsewhere, Eyeful Ethel and Tusker are gloating about how people believe everything she says because she's a teacher and they're all so gullible. I'm guessing we wouldn't have so many people swearing the Earth is flat if people believed teachers. Suddenly, the school bus they're waiting for crashes into the satellite and keeps going, the pilot hitting the gas, not the brakes.

No idea why someone in the 31st Century would be making a reference to gas, but that's just me. No idea why these students are going to school in a satellite, either. Is there no room on Earth?

As the bus continues through the satellite, we see the other members of the Justice League. Golden Boy is being polished. Storm Boy is being operated on. And Radiation Roy and Spider Girl are still just standing there.

Stone Boy flies through the front windshield of the bus, slamming into Radiation Roy while either making reverse peace signs or, if he's British, flipping everyone the bird.

Who's in the school bus? The Subs, of course. It's Rainbow Girl, who was never a Sub in any version of the Legion before, Fire Lad, and Chlorophyll Kid. Where are the others? Earth-Man blinded Color Kid, threw Infectious Lass in the time stream, and murdered Double Header. Please keep these facts in your head when we get to later Legion issues.

Rainbow Girl, whose powers are based on the color she's emitting, leaps into action and smacks Ethel. Chlorophyll Kid's angry the plants aren't getting enough water and Fire Lad starts lighting everything on fire to raise the temperature to 1,947.52 Fahrenheit - the melting temperature of gold.

I'm sorry, all my American readers, but if you think anyone's still using Fahrenheit in the future, you're very, very mistaken.

Also, wouldn't Chlorophyll Kid be angrier at Fire Lad for burning the plants than the fact they weren't watered enough?

The battle, if you can call it that, begins and I can't figure out if Johns is playing this scene for a joke or not. Stone Boy, as always, remains immobile. Chlorophyll Kid actually says, "The ferns cry out for retribution and they'll have it!" But the other two Subs are doing well in the battle.

Which makes me wonder how any of these rejects beat the real Legionnaires.

The actual Legionnaires have arrived and are on the satellite. Polar Boy, Dawnstar, and Wildfire go to help the Subs. Brainy, Superman, and Colossal Boy go to rescue the imprisoned Legionnaires.

They discover Earth-Man's room and see all the Legionnaires trapped in their coffins. So I guess Earth-Man's gone?

Brainy also finds the crystal tablet that they used to convince humanity that Superman wasn't Kryptonian. Brainy's shocked - it's a real artifact and there's no way it was replicated. He figures that someone left it to be found and knew what it would do. I'm assuming this will affect some future DC story that I won't be bothered to read.

Then they discover Sun Boy is trapped in a machine that's making him use his powers to turn every sun in the galaxy into a red sun. Brainy starts working on safely shutting it down.

A battered and bleeding Yera appears, staggering towards Gim. As she's talking, Superman notices another coffin and pulls the cape off of it. Yera's in the coffin - Gim's not talking to his wife.

Earth-Man changes into his normal form (great, he's a Durlan now too), punches Colossal Boy and gets ready to attack Superman. Once again, we throw all super-logic out the window and Earth-Man throws a lightning-infused punch into Clark's jaw... which would, of course, kill him... but let's not worry about that now.

Elsewhere on the ship, Polar Boy, Wildfire, and Dawnstar have joined the Subs to lay into the Justice League. We get this horrific line from Brek: "I'd ask for my arm back, Tusky, but you've probably eaten it by now."

Just think about that for a second. Ignore the whole part of Brek having absolutely no emotional or rational reaction to losing an entire arm. Just focus on the fact that he's certain Tusker ate his arm... and now he's joking about it.

I'm guessing Saturn Girl didn't do a great job on the mind scans during the Legion tryouts.

Earth-Man and Superman keep fighting and, to no surprise, Earth-Man's winning. While Clark's getting beaten on, the attacking ships get ready to invade Earth.

Earth-Man tells Superman to stay down. He's beaten. But Superman doesn't want to take the easy choice - that's not who he is. So, using his flight ring, he attacks Earth-Man and they both crash through the outside of the satellite and into space... where they are still bathed in the red sun.

 

Action Comics #863

What a great cover - too bad we haven't seen a few of these Legionnaire move during this entire story.

The finale is written by Geoff Johns, pencils by Gary Frank, and inks by Jon Sibal.

We begin with everything going crazy. Earth-Man is flying Superman towards the Earth, knowing that Clark is only protected by the Legion flight ring he's wearing. The remaining Legionnaires and the Subs are trying to defeat the rest of the Justice League. And battle cruisers from around the U.P. are less than 10 minutes away from Earth and ready to attack.

Earth-Man's plan? To fly Superman to Legion HQ and splatter him into the ground. Sometimes the simplest plan is the best, right?

On the Justice League satellite, Colossal Boy breaks his wife out of the coffin she's been trapped in while Brainiac 5 shuts down the solar generator that used Sun Boy's powers to turn the sun red.

Earth-Man breaks Superman's wrist and then pulls the flight ring off his hand, shattering it into tiny pieces.

Brainy has a great plan to wake Sun Boy up - have Yera kiss him. After all, nothing gets Sun Boy up quicker than a pretty girl. Wow... this is... awkward. Yera changes into a beautiful brunette and kisses Sun Boy in front of her husband.

Really? There wasn't a better way to handle this? And does this not make Dirk look pretty, well, pathetic?

When Dirk wakes up, his connection to the suns breaks and, just as Superman plummets to the Earth, the sun miraculously turns yellow again. We actually see the red "explode" and the yellow peaks through again.

Aside - so let's just think about why the Justice League would want to turn every sun in the galaxy red. And we'll ignore that the suns are now cooler and emitting less energy, so every planet would be plunged into winter and most natural life would die. Were they expected Superman to come back to the 31st century? Were they afraid of the Daxamites? Would it have killed Johns to throw in a couple of lines to explain this?

The S.P.s stop rounding up aliens and watch as our favorite Kryptonian falls... one might say faster than a speeding bullet. But he stops himself just before he hits the ground - his powers came back remarkably quickly.

He pulls open the police vehicle, freeing the aliens, and one of the S.P.s shoots at him, claiming that Superman wouldn't help aliens. Clark disagrees, saying that he'll help everyone.

Earth-Man attacks and Superman immediately orders the S.P.s to get everyone clear and to safety.

The battle begins and Earth-Man brags about having all the powers of the Legion. He asks what Superman has. His response:

I've got the real deal.

Now this is something I've been waiting way too long to see...

Unfortunately, we only get two pages of the Legion attacking Earth-Man, getting in their blasts, before Earth-Man uses all his powers at once and knocks everyone out... except Superman.

I guess they all forgot that there's a reason they were captured. Or they forgot how to work together. Or Earth-Man is just that powerful.

Superman then knocks out Earth-Man with one punch.

Geez... I know this is Action Comics, and I know you have to make Superman the star, but wow... I don't think this story could've made the Legion look less effective if it was actively trying to achieve that.

While the Legion is celebrating, Brainy points out that the invasion is still coming. But before they can attack, the Legion flies out of Earth's atmosphere, right by the equator, to show that the Earth is under their protection. So everyone goes home. Yep, problem solved and there's no way the Earth is still xenophobic, or arresting aliens, or doing anything that prompted the attack in the first place.

We get another full-page shot of the Legion flying together through the air before the first wrap-up. The Legion is going to rebuild, all the bad guys are in Takron Galtos, and Superman tells them to let him know whenever they need help.

The second wrap-up is a nice flashback to Clark, as a teenager, returning to his own time after his first adventure with the Legion. They make plans to hang out again, Lightning Lad blasts an "L" into a tree, and, unless I'm mistaken, the Legion has given Clark his own Superboy uniform.

 

This is a really tough story to review because there are so many great parts to this, and this is the Legion I had been wanting to read about for more than a decade, but yet there are so many minor issues and problems that I can't say I loved it.

Sentimentally, this is my Legion. Nostalgia reigns supreme here and Geoff Johns is leaning heavily into it. From the old clubhouse to the flashbacks to Clark meeting the Legion for the first time to the return of numerous rejects as villains and the Subs coming back to save the day, there were numerous moments in this story that put a smile on my face.

But... and this is a heavy but... there were so many moments where my eyebrow arched and I thought, "what the heck?" The biggest one, and I think I referenced this right from the beginning, was the choice of villains. Earth-Man I get. But the rest of the Justice League couldn't defeat the Subs. Are you telling me that Tusker and Golden Boy would have a chance against any of the Legionnaires? I know they had to keep imprisoning the Legionnaires to keep powering up Earth-Man, but all logic flew out the window right from the very beginning.

Why not use actual Legion heavy-hitting villains? This plot read like something that would've been perfect for Universo (because he's already done this twice), or Mordru, or even have the Dominators running things behind the scenes. But Storm Boy and Radiation Roy? It just doesn't work.

This story also worked in direct contradiction to the Lightning Saga - in that book, the Legion are portrayed as a dominant team that out thinks both the JSA and JLA. Here? They basically just stand around and wait for Superman to fix everything. They go from active participants to easily-defeated failures.

For a story about the Legion, there just wasn't enough Legion, if that makes any sense. We get less than two pages of the team in action and, even then, they're defeated easily.

My biggest question for this story is why? Why does this story exist? DC already had a Legion book going at this time, with a completely different team. Did this retroboot come to be in order to launch a new Legion series? Did this series only exist to set the Legion up for Final Crisis? Did this story just exist to allow Johns to write his preferred version of the Legion? 

Art-wise, as much as I like Gary Frank's work, I kinda look at this the same way I look at the story - most of it good but there are some problems with certain moments. For example, he can't draw teenagers. Some of the faces just look off. And I have no idea why everyone else gets a (kinda) new costume but Sun Boy is still rocking his uniform from the 60s. 

But for all my quibbles and complaints, I really enjoyed this story and would recommend anyone wanting to get into the Legion to check it out.

What do you think of this story? Would you recommend it? Please share either here or on Reddit.

Next week... Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds. George Perez drawing the Legion. I'm cautiously optimistic...