It's a day in the life of the Legion and Dawnstar fights alone... with the help of Tellus... we look at Legion of Super-Heroes (volume 7) #5 & Legion Lost (volume 2) #5

Legion of Super-Heroes (vol 7) #5

A Walter Simonson cover! And Walter Simonson interior art! Wow... If nothing else, I know that Star Boy's beard will never look better...

Not much to recap because we wrapped up the Dominators/Daxamite storyline last issue so I'm guessing we're going to be setting the foundations for all the future plots with this one. Or plots that we're going to completely forget about as soon as it's convenient (cough...Mekt's brother...cough).

"One day, a thousand years from now..." was written by Paul Levitz, pencilled by Simonson, and inked by Dan Green & Sean Parsons.

We begin at Legion HQ, and every time I stare at that upside-down rocket ship, I wonder why they went back to this after the cool volume 3 headquarters. Yet another point in my "this isn't the OG Legion" calculus.

At 6:00 AM, Star Boy is just waking up and discovers that Dream Girl is already up. He wonders if she had any bad dreams, but she says that she only saw some weird image with big old stones. So Thom proves that he's up as well and they decide to skip his usual physical therapy.

At 7:00 AM, Lightning Lass is woken up by the sounds of someone running. It's Shrinking Violet, on a miniature treadmill, getting in her morning cardio. To stay quiet, Vi enlarges, turns on a sound baffler, shrinks again, and keeps running. So she coulda turned on the baffler right from the beginning? That's not very considerate. Or she wanted Ayla to wake up for the same reason Nura woke Thom up.

At 8:00 AM (and yes, I do find it strange that everything is happening at the top of the hour), Cosmic Boy is in the Mission Monitor Room, getting reports from Takron-Galtos. He's trying to figure out how seven Legionnaires (those who are in Legion Lost) died in the Time Lab. He says it's been a solar cycle (so a year?) and they still haven't found anything.

Quislet also disappeared... some time ago. Did I completely miss this? Was this something that just "happened" during the New 52 break? Did no one think to mention it in a previous issue?

I also wanted to point out that Rokk's talking to Gravity Kid and Power Boy, who are former Academy students now working with the S.P.s on Takron-Galtos. What I wouldn't give for either of them to say something snarky like, "I wasn't good enough to be a Legionnaire, but Comet Queen is? How's that going?"

By 9:00 AM, Rokk's still sitting in the chair, crying, and Element Lad comes in to cheer him up. He says that they must go on... and then does precisely that by heading into the cafeteria.

Harmonia, Polar Boy, and Sun Boy are eating breakfast. The two Boys bicker and argue about food and Jan and Harmonia talk about how opposites attract.

We also jump forward to 10:00 AM, which means Levitz isn't even trying to make this time motif make sense.

Harmonia starts playing some music and the Boys sprint out, complaining about the noise. Is Harmonia going to actually get a costume or is she permanently connected to her lab coat? Does anyone else wonder if they're just going to ignore the fact that she's much, much older than the other Legionnaires and really hasn't done anything to earn her place there? Are they trying to start some sort of romantic subplot between these two? And if so, are they ever going to explain what happened to Shvaughn? Or that Jan's gay? Or demisexual?

At 11:00 AM, we shift to Sorcerer's World (glad that their time is the exact same as Earth's). Sorry, not Sorcerer's World, but just Glorith's room. I thought we might have jumped to a different planet because she has a massive display that looks like Blok and the Black Witch are trapped behind laser bars.

Anyway, Glorith sends a message to the pair (no idea why she's talking to Blok...) about how Earth feels like it's full of magic. Then she sends the message magically and if this doesn't result in a battle against Mordru, I'm going to be really disappointed.

The clock strikes 12 and Invisible Kid enters. He's there to invite her to lunch and speak about how her feelings must not keep her from acting. We get another stroll through the Hall of Heroes (Levitz loves this room) and we get to see the statues of the fallen Legionnaires.

Two questions about this picture: first, why is Ferro Lad staring at the reader? Second, would it be possible for any two artists to draw this room the same way? Does the editor not have reference pictures?

We're back at the cafeteria. Unfortunately, it's taken them an hour to get there. Yep, it's 13:00. Instead of actually joining Glorith and bonding with her a little more, Jacques leaves her with Chemical Kid and Dragonwing. He's happy to see her. Dragonwing... not so much.

So eating is a way to bond with your teammates, but Jacques couldn't be bothered to join them? Even after a 60 minute walk through the HQ? Also, how bad of a detour is the Hall of Heroes if it takes 60 minutes to get through?

And why would Glorith need to bond with her fellow Academy "grads"? Why not sit with more experience Legionnaires? Wouldn't that make more sense? 

Oh, now we're really going to the Sorcerer's World. At 14:00. Let's just repeat the "it's the same time as Earth" joke. In true "stupid super-hero" fashion, the Black Witch ignores Glorith's problems and concerns by saying that they're the Legion's to deal with now. Yep, the Earth feels different and full of magic, but Mysa's too busy to do or say anything about it.

At 15:00, Chameleon Boy has arrived at S.P. Headquarters to brief them on the Panoptes situation. He is nice enough to throw his new teammates under the bus as he talks to... someone... no need to identify anyone, right?

By 16:00, Shadow Lass is blasting Dragonwing while running a training drill. In another room, Ultra Boy is throwing gooey balls at the wall... for an hour... which is when it's revealed he's hitting the picture of a Dominator.

Phantom Girl phases through the wall and interrupts target practice. Which is when it's suddenly 18:00. They have a romantic moment but Tinya wants Jo to take a shower before they spend any more time together.

Dream Girl is with Mon-El in the Legion meeting room and they're going over pictures of stones to try to figure out what she saw in her dream. It's 19:00 and they're drawing blanks. Computo even suggests Stone Boy as an option. I wonder why she couldn't do this with Star Boy...

We jump forward to 21:00 (9:00 PM) and Ayla is talking to her brother, Lightning Lad, his wife, Saturn Girl, and their two kids, Graym and Validus. The family is on vacation, running around and playing as pirates. It's bedtime for the kids and Ayla wonders if the pair would prefer coming back to active duty. They refuse, stating that they're too busy being parents and enjoying their lives. Yep, sales a tanking, but let's keep two of the most recognizable Legionnaires off the team, especially just after they lost 7 teammates.

22:00 at the Legion Academy (which should probably be shut down). They're looking for new candidates for the next class. While Bouncing Boy wants to help, Duplicate Damsel is too focused and wants to take care of it herself. Just imagine the marketing material for the school: "Come learn how to be a Legionnaire! Pray for death, because it's the only way you'll make the team!"

And at 24:00, or midnight, a drunken Polar Boy, his face covered in lipstick, stumbles through the streets of Metropolis. He needs a bathroom, badly...

At 1:00 AM, Comet Queen flies into him, knocking him to the ground. She's annoyed that Brek didn't take her partying. He tells her they went to the Village. She speeds away and Polar Boy passes out.

2:00 AM and Brainiac 5 is still in the lab, working on the newest Time Bubble. He needs it to be able to get through the Flashpoint Barrier. He keeps working and working, eventually falling asleep on the floor.

It's the final page of the comic and it's also 5:00 AM. The sun rises and someone declares that it's the Winter Solstice.

A group of people are standing near a collection of stone structures. It kinda looks like Stonehenge... One of the people is wearing Celtic runes on their clothing. Another is a large, red-headed young man who is dressed like a Legionnaire. They say that it's their time to shine! I guess that's a cliffhanger...

Let's start with the positives. I love Simonson's artwork, so that was a blast to see. I love day off issues for the Legion, where everyone is hanging around the HQ and we get to see their personalities. I'm glad to see that Levitz included everyone, even those who aren't Legionnaires anymore. I'm happy that we have some great subplots getting more attention.

But I just couldn't get over the clock. It took me out of the story, if that makes sense. I get why they did it. But it just drove me nuts by the end. Crazy of me, I know, but if you've been reading these columns for a while, you know I focus on this kind of minutia. 

Anyway, I did kinda like this one, even though not much happened. It was a good, old school-type story. Yes, I nitpicked the crap out of it, but that's why you read these, right?

 

Legion Lost (vol 2) #5

One of my most excellent readers shared a Twitter post from Fabian Nicieza that sums up his entire run on Legion Lost:
 

Just imagine how checked out of a series you would have to be after quitting at issue three due to disrespect from the powers-that-be.

Since we're on issue #5, he's gotta be spending the tiniest amount of time working on the plot and script. I'm not expecting much.

It's "Under Pressure," written (kinda) by Nicieza, with art by Pete Woods. Here's another aside - what's Pete thinking at this time? His writer, who I'm sure he was pretty excited to work with, bolts off the book before the first issue hit the stores. How do you get excited to draw something that's already showing signs of being one of the first New52 casualties? Kudos to him for continuing to bring his A game.

First things first, we have to show you how widespread the Hypertaxis contagion has become. For those of you who don't remember, and I don't blame you because Nicieza keeps changing how this works, a person from the 31st century named Alastor has come back to 2011 to spread a disease that will destroy human beings. How? This contagion, which causes humans to begin evolving due to the Hypertaxis effect, is actually causing them to develop DNA from other alien races. So some of them become half Durlan. Or other aliens that I've never heard of and am too lazy to go and look up. Sorry... I really don't want to read those again.

In Rapid City, South Dakota, a child says she doesn't feel so good because she has six plant-like tentacles growing out of her back.

In Manitoba, Canada, they watch a news report where some of the JLI stopped a metahuman.

In Denver, Colorado, another one is shooting electrical charges and blacked out the city.

 

As a Canadian, I have to rant about this. Why is Rapid City so important that they get a city name but no Manitoban city earns the same status?

Winnipeg, the capital city of Manitoba, is the 49th biggest city in North America, if you don't include metropolitan areas. Bigger than Oklahoma City. Bigger than Nashville. Bigger than Seattle. Bigger than Denver. How hard is it to look at a map and pick one at random? I'm guessing that's how Nicieza found every other city in this story.

Rapid City - 74,709 in 2020

Winnipeg - 850,260 in 2026 

 

Sorry... back to the story.

If you remember last issue, Dawnstar grabbed Alastor out of a university cafeteria and flew him away from the students. Tellus was right behind her, scanning his mind.

Alastor has also been affected by the contagion and has developed Carggite powers. Which means he can split into three. He can also change shape so he looks like... well, the best way to put it is a rejected cast member of that old Gargoyles cartoon.

Tellus is our narrator this issue, which makes far more sense than having Dawnstar do the job last one. Unfortunately, we already have story problems. I've heard of "unreliable narration" before, but this next bit takes the cake:

    "We succeeded... in delaying his... terrorist act... in the future. But we failed... because he was shunted... back in time... and he released... the Hypertaxis pathogen here... now..."

I thought Alastor's whole plan was to go back in time and infect the human race, thereby destroying it because the xenophobes of his day killed his little sister. There was no accident. He wanted to go back. Of course, I'd point out that, since Alastor is human as well, going back and wrecking the population would probably wipe his ancestors out as well, so once again this is the dumbest story I've read in a while. Yes, dumber than trying to redeem Earth-Man. 

Every issue they change the plot. I get Nicieza not caring - he's already quit. But how editor Brian Cunningham isn't catching this... wait, Cunningham's the one who didn't notice when a villain's name changed during LSH volume 6. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

The battle begins and Dawnstar takes on the three Alastors. Tellus is impressed by her passion and ability (although he really shouldn't be) as he tries to mess with the villain's head. We get a "Great mother ocean!" to show that Nicieza actually learned something about the character and Tellus realizes Alastor is stronger mentally and physically.

He calls for help and his three teammates, Tyroc, Timber Wolf, and Wildfire, are shaken by the telepathic scream. Last issue, the trio were tracking down Chameleon Girl. She lost half of her body when they first faced Alastor so she started killing humans who were becoming Durlans and absorbing their Durlan DNA

Yep, we have a serial killing Legionnaire. I wonder what Colossal Boy is going to think about this.

Then a para-military force called... never mind, they can't be bothered to identify them in the comic, so I can't either. They shot Yera with tranquilizers so she's going to spend a while in an alien form and unconscious. Great writing of strong female characters, right? 

Tyroc blasts the force with hypersonics, they're all unconscious for five minutes, and the threat is over. Wildfire and Tyroc fly off to help Tellus and Dawnstar while Timber Wolf grabs Yera and rushes away.

What was the point of the dramatic reveal of this team last issue? What's the point of any of this? 

Tellus has re-entered Alastor's mind and is worried he might have to lobotomize him to stop him. All the while, Dawnstar is fighting three super-strong beings that want to kill her. Tellus doesn't want to make this compromise to his ethics to save his teammate. Finally, a Legionnaire acting like a Legionnaire.

Instead, he takes some time in Alastor's memories and we see how he became the villain he is now. And I learn that I was wrong before - maybe - Alastor worked on Rimbor... but he still looks pretty human, so who knows? If nothing else, his ancestors were probably from Earth, so he's wiping them out. My point still stands.

Then the two start fighting in Alastor's mind while Dawnstar fights the bodies. Tellus starts wondering when an innocent civilian might get hurt. Oh, I think we're waaaaaaay past that now, considering how this disease is spreading.

Purely by coincidence, a semi truck speeds towards the battle. It runs into rocks on the road and the driver, not wearing a seatbelt, goes flying through the front windshield. Dawnstar grabs him and the truck explodes into a fiery ball of "who knows why that happened."

Wildfire has arrived and lets loose with a full-page blast. To no surprise, it does nothing and the Alastor triplets emerge from the fiery hole in the ground.

All this is to ensure that this final battle results in Tellus having to be the one to end it. Teamwork? Meh. He continues probing in Alastor's mind and comes up with a solution.

He shows Alastor that, by giving them the Hypertaxis, he has eliminated everything that will lead them to becoming xenophobes. They won't have barriers of skin color, religion, or geography. They will be a united future race of Hypersapiens.

Tellus then points out that humanity will view Alastor as a hero and that he's given them a better future. To no surprise, Alastor doesn't take this news well and collapses unconscious.

Okay, so let's assume that this isn't true and Tellus just lied to Alastor to get him to stop. Which makes our villain completely incompetent and so trusting that he could be convinced to believe anything. Even such an inane story. 

Why inane? Because that wouldn't actually end the xenophobia. The future humans weren't against race, color, or religion. They were against aliens. Anyone who wasn't human was considered the enemy. If anything, these Hypersapiens could end up being worse because they are more powerful and it'll be easier for them to destroy alien races.

This is when Gates suddenly appears, offering to teleport Alastor somewhere. We don't have the time or the pages to explain how he survived, so they celebrate. Fifty bucks says there's never going to attempt to explain why his genetic material was floating around after the explosion but he's okay now.

But what's going on with Timber Wolf and Yera? The Martian Manhunter has arrived and says that their "presence here is extremely dangerous."

One more Nicieza piece of turd to go...

 

Instead of reading this issue to see if it's as bad as I said it is, check out the latest Long Live the Legion podcast.

Legion Podfather Paul French joins Jim and I to talk about Legion technology. From the flight ring to the cruiser to the transuit to the clubhouse, we talk about the equipment that made the Legion great. Also on Youtube!